MyMaine Birth

82. Navigating Two Births Close in Age and the Postpartum Period with Liz

• Angela Laferriere • Season 2 • Episode 82

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Join me this week  as Liz, a stay-at-home mom, recounts her experiences birthing two children close in age and explores the dynamics of her family. From the excitement of discovering her pregnancies to advocating for her own and her babies' needs, Liz’s story is a heartfelt journey filled with joy, challenges, and invaluable lessons.

Liz opens up about the importance of exploring various birth care options, sharing how her early pregnancy anxieties were eased with the right support and guidance. Listen as she details her decision-making process between natural birthing at Holly Number Seven and a more traditional birth plan with Dr. Smith at Bangor OBGYN. Through her candid narrative, Liz emphasizes the impact of feeling well-cared for and supported, which set the tone for her birthing experiences and overall mindset during pregnancy.

In the latter part of the episode, we delve into Liz's contrasting pregnancies and deliveries, including the severe heartburn and borderline gestational diabetes she faced with her second pregnancy at Northern Light Women's Health.   Liz's emotional recount of hertraumatic delivery and subsequent C-section highlights the significance of a reliable support system.  Her proactive approach to future pregnancies and her advice for new parents navigating the postpartum period underscore the essence of mental preparation and advocating for oneself. Tune in for an inspiring and informative episode on navigating birth experiences and postpartum recovery.

MyMaine Birth is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine.  From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.  Whether you are a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. 

Are you interested in Doula Support or Birth Photography for your upcoming birth?  Head over to my website to inquire about your due date. 
https://www.mymainebirth.com

I am Currently Booking Late 2024 and into 2025 due dates but occasionally have last minute openings.

Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories.  Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!  

I'll see you back here again, next week!

Elizabeth:

Some days I feel like we're still in the trenches a little bit. But looking at it now, 11 months postpartum, if you are considering whether or not to try for that second baby or you're currently pregnant with what some might consider a less than pleasant age gap, I know some people are like, oh my gosh, you guys are nuts, just go ahead and do it. We have had zero regrets having our first two babies close in age. I'm seeing now that at almost three and at almost one, just the bond and closeness as they play together every day and they already are starting to fight over some things. But Maggie just really took on that big sister role and just loves him and he looks for her so much. If she's not in the room with us he's looking for her.

Elizabeth:

So, honestly, you're already tired. You might as well just add another one, right? So I would really recommend parents considering the close age gap. There's nothing to be scared about. There are hard days, but anyone's going to have hard days when bringing the baby in. So and then I just I hope my story reminds and encourages moms to just be an advocate for your body and your babies, because in this world that's what you need to be able to do so.

Angela:

I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine, from our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births. Every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Today's birth story guest is Elizabeth, and she's here to share with us her two main birth stories, both of which were at Eastern Maine Medical Center in Bangor. Hi, liz, welcome to my Maine Birth. Good morning, hello. Hi, thanks for taking the time to chat with me this morning.

Elizabeth:

Absolutely. Thank you for having me on. This is something I'm very passionate about talking and I've been wanting to chat with you anyway, so it it worked out.

Angela:

Awesome. Yeah, I'm excited to hear about your birth stories. So, to get started, will you first share a little bit about you and your family?

Elizabeth:

Yeah, absolutely so. My name is Liz and I'm married to my sweet husband Andrew. We've been married for I think it's been five years. It's been oh no, sorry We've been married for I think it's been five years it's been oh no, sorry. We've been together for six years. We've only been married for like three years. And then I'm a stay-at-home mom to my daughter, maggie, who will be three in October, and I have a little boy, ben, who will be one in July. So I am in a few weeks I'll be 11 months postpartum with my second which is crazy and I recently graduated from UMA this past May, with my bachelor's and I plan to continue my education in the fall. That's kind of my hobby. That's what I do for fun outside of being a mom.

Angela:

So oh my gosh. Well, congratulations on graduating. And yeah, oh my gosh, 11 months postpartum. It goes by so fast, doesn't it?

Elizabeth:

Oh it does, especially this time around. I feel like with Maggie, time just kind of stood still that first year and it just like the days and nights were were long, but we just I feel like we had more time with her as a baby. And then with Ben it's just like, oh wow, that happened really fast, too fast, and I feel like I just I, I don't know what happened to my new baby. He's crawling and climbing and into everything and I'm like like wow, that happened quick.

Angela:

Yeah, oh, my goodness, wow. So to get into your birth story with Maggie, will you share a little bit about when you first found out you were pregnant with her and your thoughts in choosing your care.

Elizabeth:

Yeah, absolutely so. With Maggie I had been tracking for about a year my cycles and testing when I ovulated. I do have some endometriosis I have since middle school so I kind of knew that you know it could have, it could be hard to try to conceive. So I had been tracking for about a year and then we were very fortunate enough to find out we were pregnant after our first try. I tested pretty early and I have no shame in admitting that I brought like over 10 different tests. Like I was just so excited, maybe more than that.

Elizabeth:

I think Andrew kind of cut me off after the 10th one. He's like these are expensive, you're pregnant, it's obvious we don't need to buy more. But I loved testing. So before my primary doctor agreed to see me for blood work, I did like multiple different tests and of course they came back positive and I had always been fascinated with just birth and the ways environments and how women labor and the ways environments and you know how women labor. I grew up watching TLC's baby story with my grandmother and I was like five, like I've just always been fascinated with birth and so I really. You know I had a bunch of books already on natural and just different ways we could go about it.

Elizabeth:

So that eight week period before you see the, you know, you see the doctor, that was just so hard because I'm such a planner and I like to know, you know, I just I was so ready to just go get checked, you know, and I was just anxious, but so I had to wait, of course, the eight weeks. So I met with a doula during that time and after that meeting, you know, just of her explaining the different ways a birth can go, she recommended we, you know, schedule a meeting with an OBGYN office, but also recommended the number seven in Bangor. So we scheduled appointments for both the Holly number seven in Bangor. So we scheduled appointments for both the Holly number seven and Dr Smith's office in Bangor, bangor OBGYN. So I absolutely love the offerings at the Holly number seven. It it like the birth and tell was like my number one favorite because I had seen videos of water births and stuff and I just was really into that. So I was like this is great.

Elizabeth:

And Andrew really liked the building and how you know the history behind it and we felt very comfortable there. You know, I tell people it's a very magical place even just from the short time we were there. So for a while I really thought, okay, this is what we're going to do. We're going to do a natural birth. So we did the Holly number seven first and then we still kept our appointment and ultrasound with Dr Smith's office and Andrew was kind of hesitant about just the idea of the natural birth.

Elizabeth:

You know, holly number seven, the midwives there were very thorough with us and telling us, you know, if a complication arises, this is what we do like just really laid it out for us. But Andrew was a little hesitant. So we ended up still keeping our ultrasound and we went to Dr Smith's and we did quickly fall in love with just the nurses and the environment and Dr Smith. So we decided to just stick with Dr Smith and Bangor OBGYN instead of the Holly number seven. But I still recommend the Holly number seven and I've taken classes and stuff there since and I still recommend it. So yeah, we, just we. You know we went with that and I'd say my time, cause I did have about two appointments with the Holly number seven and I would say the most that I learned there was to trust my instincts and to be in touch with my body, which came in handy throughout both pregnancies and deliveries, and you know my experience moving forward, so I'm really appreciative and still recommend them.

Angela:

So, yeah, I think it's so important to really explore all of your options and see what feels right to you, because what feels right to you is going to feel different to somebody else. You know like different situations, so it's so important to get you know. Explore all of your options in your early pregnancy, I think, for care, so that's absolutely.

Elizabeth:

And I'll just add you know it's going to change too. You'll see in my journey like it. You know it changes too, so it's good to have those options and be able to explore those.

Angela:

Yeah, yeah. So how was your pregnancy looking? How are you feeling?

Elizabeth:

So it was really uneventful with Maggie. You know I was very, very tired. I was working full time in the office but I worked just down the road from home so I was able to come home and like take naps on my lunch break and you know I was very tired with Maggie, but otherwise it really was just uneventful. Towards the second and like end of second and third trimester I think, we went probably three times to the emergency room or labor and delivery, thinking we were in labor. And of course we weren't in labor, not even close, hadn't even dilated. So even in the final weeks I was barely dilated a centimeter. So I we just yeah, but it was an uneventful pregnancy, it was a good pregnancy.

Angela:

Wow. So how was your care also then throughout your pregnancy, once you decided to kind of move more primarily towards Dr Smith? Um, did you do like the 20 week ultrasound and like how was like that sort of side of things looking?

Elizabeth:

Yeah, no, it was amazing Gets me emotional because I didn't get that with Ben, which I'll explain, but it was. It was a wonderful experience. They were very thorough in explaining just everything they did, they, they. It didn't matter how long you were in appointment for Like it wasn't rushed, the appointments weren't rushed, it was very much like we'd be there for over 20 minutes or more past what would be probably a normal time, just talking about different you know aspects of birth and and just how I'm feeling and I really felt catered to and, um the.

Elizabeth:

I really felt catered to and the ultrasound techs there were just phenomenal and we felt so comfortable with them. It was a name basis kind of situation. They were very just. I think. Actually, one of the ultrasound techs I had been complaining about you know some back pain and kind of cramping and she actually had a you know one of those pregnancy bands. She had one of those that she wasn't using anymore, so she brought that to me. Like that was just the kind of care we were receiving. It was very just, thorough and hands-on and we felt very comfortable. We were very excited the whole pregnancy. We were excited for appointments.

Angela:

We never dreaded going to appointment, so yeah, that's so good to be somewhere where you feel so comfortable and people are kind to you. That's just can really make all the difference in your whole mindset throughout your pregnancy. Really, yes, absolutely, yes, absolutely yeah. So now share with me kind of those final days and weeks leading up to when your labor started and about your birth.

Elizabeth:

Yeah. So we were really anxious to meet our girl. We decided to go ahead and schedule an induction. We really didn't need one, we didn't need one at all, and we decided not to do a sweep or anything else that would induce us, naturally. I mean, I think I think I tried like the curb, walk in and like the spicy food and stuff, but nothing, you know, I hadn't really crossed, like I hadn't progressed any at like that last I think it was like the 38 week appointment. So we went ahead for 39 weeks to schedule our induction. Andrew had taken that day off and we knew we wouldn't hear anything until the evening. But we took the day off from work and just cleaned the house and spent time together, which was really nice. But it was a long day. Like I kept looking at the clock, like okay, what are we going to go?

Elizabeth:

What are we going to go? And I actually, cause I was in school for both pregnancies, so I had started to take a timed test that night because it was around 5 PM and they still hadn't called and so I knew if there wasn't room for us it would be tomorrow kind of thing. So I went ahead and started a test and, sure enough, a nurse called and said you guys can take your time, grab some dinner and then you can head in, for you know seven o'clock. And I remember being like okay, okay, okay, it's happening. So, but one of my favorite memories and I actually have a picture I was looking back last night of Andrew walking into the hospital we have, like most first parents we had like five big bags, a boppy pillow, all of our pillows. Back I had my backpack with my college books and laptop and I remember the nurses were laughing, they're like when I was taking out my textbooks and kind of setting the room up, and they're like, oh honey, I don't think you're going to have much time for that, but sure enough I did do some homework that night when I couldn't sleep. So, yeah, we, it was just, we were just beaming with excitement going into the hospital. This was our first baby, so we were just so ready to be parents, we were excited.

Elizabeth:

They didn't do much that night. I believe I took some sort of like ripening pill and they just encouraged us to get some rest because, you know, the next day would be a busy day and I was able to eat breakfast before they started the Pitocin. So I'm really not sure with the times, but, um, I was able to have breakfast and I remember around like lunchtime I was about three centimeters dilated, I believe. So I had progressed. Um, I, I just felt like I was having bad period cramps. Um, like I mentioned, I have endo, so it just felt like bad cramps. But they suggested I take a shower and move around before the epidural, which I'll just do.

Elizabeth:

A side note, I was convinced up until this point that I would, you know, not do an epidural. I, after talking with the midwives at Holly number seven that's something I continued on throughout my care at Dr Smith's office was I don't want an epidural. But everyone, all the women in my family, friends, everyone's like Liz, you need the epidural, you need the epidural, you're going to want one. And I'm just like no, no, no. So I remember around noon, I think it was I was bouncing on the ball, kind of on the edge of the hospital bed and Andrew was trying to comfort me and the contractions were getting uncomfortable and it came to a point where Andrew was rubbing my back and I'm like, get off of me, Like don't touch my back. I'm done, don't touch my back. And the nurse was in there at that time. She's like I think it's time we do an epidural and I'm like, yeah, I really didn't need one.

Elizabeth:

Looking back I didn't think at that point I was ready for one. But I actually remember the nurse saying well, it looks like they're available to give you one now. So how about we go ahead and just do it? Not that it was pushed, but it wasn't like it seemed like if I was going to get one I should get one now versus later, kind of thing. So that kind of scared me a little bit. I'm like, okay, fine, let's just do it. So it was a smooth process this time around. The first time I didn't even feel the needle go in or anything. So it was a smooth process. The anesthesiologist was very thorough and he was able to. You know, just he explained everything that was happening. So that was really nice.

Elizabeth:

And like most medications I just I'm a lightweight I fall asleep, like I just sleep. So I slept from one o'clock in the afternoon to four o'clock, um, and I guess I woke up for checks when they checked me, but I don't think they really checked me much or I really just slept through them, like I, I I really don't remember that time Andrew had actually gone up to the cafeteria for lunch or dinner, early dinner. So I don't really remember too much about that time. I do remember having the peanut ball between my legs while I slept on my side and then, I believe it was around four, they came in and they broke my water and then it went fast from there, like I believe. At that point I got I was like a seven or eight and I, shortly after I, began pushing. It seems like it was pretty quick. I'm sure it was like an hour or so after they broke my water, but it seems like it was close together in my head.

Elizabeth:

So I began pushing, which was a very hard task for me. I couldn't quite figure out how to just bear down and push. It was all in my face, if that makes sense. Like I was like just really straining and I wasn't bearing down to push. And so at one point my midwife said you're not ready to push, we're going to take a break, because I wasn't progressing, the baby wasn't coming down anymore, it just wasn't working.

Elizabeth:

So I think we kind of stopped, even though I was feeling those urges to push it. Just I wasn't being really productive, if that makes sense. So but I will say the midwife stayed pretty much the entire time. She may be locked out of the room once or twice during the three hours, but she was there and I had plenty of nurses. And then so, finally, at 745, maggie came into the world. Seven pounds I forgot how many ounces my husband's good with the numbers, I forget and we were able to do chest to chest immediately, which allowed her to naturally, you know, work her way down to my chest and nurse, and she ended up nursing until 15 months old. So we had a very good, positive nursing experience right from birth. So that was awesome.

Angela:

That's so nice to be able to do this skin to skin right away. Do you remember the birth of your placenta and how that went?

Elizabeth:

Yeah, so I tore, I had a three degree tear, a third degree tear, and so it took a while for her to stitch me up. But she did deliver the placenta and I remember she brought it over to like by my head so I could see it. Andrew he's I mean, he says he doesn't like that type of stuff, but he was like he watched the whole thing and he thought it was kind of cool too. And she showed us the doula actually when we were first pregnant about, you know, potentially you know how they like make the vitamins out of the placenta, doing something with the placenta. But Andrew was too grossed out by it and he's like no, we're not, we're not going to do that. So we didn't end up doing that, but I do think it was really cool to be able to see the placenta.

Elizabeth:

And then she had to go ahead and stitch me up and then I actually had to have another catheter put in, which is not fun when you're not numb. They're like okay, before you move to the postpartum, wayne, you have to use the bathroom, you have to pee, and I just couldn't pee. I went to the bathroom and I tried, but I think I was still a little numb, I wasn't really feeling much and I just I couldn't go. I couldn't go. Nothing was coming out. So they had to put another catheter in and they're like, you see, like I filled a bag. They're like, you see, you did have to pee but I just couldn't pee. So I don't know when I was able to pee after that. I don't know when we went to postpartum. I mean, I know it was pretty early morning the next day, I think, when we were able to move and they were able to remove the catheter. But yeah, that that was hard. With the third degree tear it took her about an hour to stitch and then the whole catheter thing. So I wobbled to the bathroom and enjoyed lots of milkshakes and grilled cheese.

Elizabeth:

I love the hospital's food, even if I'm not a patient there. If I'm visiting I go to the cafeteria to get a snack or something because I just like food. At Northamite they have good food. But yeah, so that was. And I will add, my postpartum nurses were just both times phenomenal. They are just, they run the place and they are amazing. I am very grateful I had both times amazing nurses that would sit there and help me use the bathroom and wobble back to my bed and just very thorough and caring and I just I had a good experience as far as nurses went, so yeah, yeah, the nurses are really really great.

Angela:

It's awesome and that's that's really hard. About the support, though, with the epidural and this, sometimes you know, when you kind of did that little growl and you know they're like okay.

Elizabeth:

I had a second experience with epidural and how I feel about them moving forward for other babies, so I can explain that as well.

Angela:

But you said it kind of related to your pushing, because you're like I didn't really know where to push when that's when it's like that sort of numb. So it can be a lot more difficult to kind of figure out, especially if you've never really even done it before.

Elizabeth:

to you know how to push the baby out, figure out especially if you've never really even done it before to you know how to push the baby out Right, and I mean I was. It was a new experience for me and I think I got really frustrated because it just I wasn't progressing with my pushes. Nothing was happening when I was pushing, felt the urge to push, but it wasn't like I. Just like you. You said I was numb and I couldn't push. So, yeah, I think that definitely affected how. I mean I had to push for three hours, which I know isn't necessarily uncommon for a first-time mom, but still it was. It was. It's why I tore. You know, even my midwife said that's why you tore so much was you weren't ready to push.

Angela:

So yeah, wow. Well. So then how was your postpartum then experience, leaving the hospital in those kind of first early weeks? You said breastfeeding was going well, so that's great yes, yeah, I really had.

Elizabeth:

I remember the lactation consultant came in and she looked at me and said, okay, you're, you're good to go and like left, like there was no need to readjust it. Just it really fell naturally and I had taken a few um lactation, you know classes. So I I think that did help because I knew different ways to position her and stuff. So I felt really confident in it and it just it came very naturally. So and we were just, we were just so thrilled. We really enjoyed how our lives got flipped upside down and we just embraced how our house became filled with all the things baby.

Elizabeth:

And it was around three months when I returned to work with Maggie and that's when I began to have some anxiety. It was to the point I wouldn't shower if she wasn't content in the bouncy seat or being held by Andrew. And for like the first year, for whatever reason, maggie was not a big fan of daddy. He coughed, he sneezed, shit scream, like he just I don't know what it was and he tried so hard to bond with her and get a few smiles but she was all about mama. So if she was crying I wouldn't take a shower, I wouldn't do certain things Wouldn't fix my hair and I felt really guilty for missing that time away from her while I was at work. I would come home on my lunch break to see her because she was at home with my mom or sister and Andrew. His schedule worked out so he was able to be home a few days out of the week with her. So I just felt really guilty. I never did my hair, which ended up being a five hour hair appointment, because my hair was just so matted and I didn't want to be intimate. I was really just all around having a hard time. I just couldn't be away from her, even when she was sleeping. I just needed to be near her.

Elizabeth:

So I quickly realized, with a little push from Andrew, like okay, you know, like this has been going on for a while and I was feeling sad. So I went to my primary doctor and I got the diagnosis of postpartum depression. But we learned that it was mostly just postpartum anxiety. That was really you know. So I did start to take some medicine and I also started therapy so that allowed me to work through some childhood trauma. I was able to.

Elizabeth:

You know, I found when having my first baby I feel like everyone does this and you know, andrew even experienced this as well. We both grew up in great homes, but there were certain things that you know we were trying to work through. Okay, how do we want to be parents? So therapy really helped with just me working through some childhood trauma and being able to regain my confidence and feel like myself again. And then I started, you know, taking the time to get dressed or to go out to dinner with girlfriends and, and I started to feel, and once I was able to gain that back, I was able to be intimate with Andrew and and be able to just be myself again. So it took quite a while. That was. It was a very hard a while. That was. It was a very hard postpartum and you know, I feel like a lot of people don't really talk about just how hard the postpartum is.

Elizabeth:

You know everyone talks about oh well, the baby will have rough nights. Baby, this, the baby that this is what happens with the baby postpartum. But I wasn't prepared. I didn't do any research ahead of time of what to experience or what to expect with the postpartum side of things, so I was thankful I knew about that going in the second time.

Angela:

And I think it's also really a good point when you sort of first introduced yourself and you said you know you're 11 months postpartum and I think that is such a great point to bring up, because postpartum doesn't really end. You know like're 11 months postpartum and I think that is such a great point to bring up, because postpartum doesn't really end. You know, like after a few months, it's like you're still postpartum months and years. You know afterwards and it is such an important thing to talk about because when you're preparing you're obviously focusing a lot on the birth and which is the big event of course. But, yeah, definitely so important to learn about the postpartum. Appreciate you sharing your experience with that. Yeah, absolutely so. Now, how far postpartum were you with Maggie when you first found out you were pregnant with Ben?

Elizabeth:

so it was a year actually, like I didn't take a pregnancy test. So Maggie's birthday is in October and so we had her first birthday. We did Halloween and I remember, around Halloween I'm like really tired, really tired. Around eight months postpartum with Maggie, I was feeling really well and I just I wanted another baby. I was like you know, we talked about it, we're like we're already tired. You know like what? Let's have another baby.

Elizabeth:

So we started to just stop any prevention which we do natural prevention, um. But we decided to just stop and just see what happened. It wasn't really, I think I was more stressed about it. Andrew's like we'll just see what happens. Like nothing planned, like it was with Maggie, if that makes sense. I had already started my period around six months postpartum, with Maggie still breastfeeding at this point as well.

Elizabeth:

So the first few months of trying with for Ben, we ended up with just negative pregnancy tests and I'm like, wait, but it happens. So what the first time around, what happened? So the first few months of trying, it was just negative tests, negative tests. And we, andrew and I, made a pact to you know, if we didn't conceive by January or February, we would just consult with our OB because they they told us to. I think I had just already called and said you know, it's been a few months of trying, we're still not pregnant yet. This didn't happen the first time around. They said you need to try for at least six months to a year. Like you know, you got to keep trying. So we decided we'd just, you know, kind of do that.

Elizabeth:

But unfortunately at this time we received a call that Bangor OBGYN was closing and the only remaining option for those under main care would be Northern Light Women's Health. So they had sent all my information over there and I think, after knowing we wouldn't have the team we had with Maggie, that gave me a little bit of anxiety we were a little less stressed about trying. Well, I was a little less stressed about trying and decided to just take a break from tracking testing every month, which, of course, is when we got pregnant. Right, you know, we were relaxed and we weren't thinking about it so much. We had a friend's um Andrew was in our friend's wedding and we had. We found out shortly after Halloween. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. So Maggie had just turned a year old.

Angela:

Oh, my goodness, I think that's a really good point that you make, where you are trying and trying and kind of stressed about it and then you decided to relax and things kind of just happened, which not obviously. I mean one is different Things happen differently for everyone. But I think it is a good point where your mindset and kind of just being relaxed overall can really help. You know, just your everything function properly sometimes.

Elizabeth:

Yeah, no, I think so. I think so and I mean that's what others had told us to. You know, like, just relax, don't stress out about it, which is easier said than done. You know, when you've been tracking and taking the ovulation tests and you test every month and see the negative and then you get your cycle, it's, it's hard to be able to do that, but I will say, for like September and October, we just really just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves and I, you know it happened, that's how it happened for us. So we're thankful.

Elizabeth:

And I mean, I was pregnant. I was very tired that first trimester because I'm chasing after a one-year-old. But something that was very different this time around was I was very happy and I was at ease, like with Maggie, I think I was just very overwhelmed and excited and I was very busy at that time I was working full time and in school. So this time around I was home and I feel like I was just I don't know, I was embracing just this content. I felt this overwhelming content that I didn't feel with Maggie. I don't know how else to explain. It Just was nice and I was content and I we went ahead and found out and I didn't even mention this with Maggie, but we found out the gender for both kids at the 12-week ultrasound. So, um, with Ben I did have a feeling it was a boy. I'm like I bet it's gonna be a boy and our family's all girls, girls, girls. Like we were not surprised it was a girl when I found out I was pregnant and we found out it was a girl with Maggie, uh, andrew didn't want to get his hopes up when he really wanted a boy. He didn't want to get his hopes up. So we went to the ultrasound and the first thing we saw, uh, it was. It was very obvious, it was a boy, let's just put it that way. Very obvious, it was a boy. We're like, yeah, it's a boy, that's for sure.

Elizabeth:

And as far as Ben's pregnancy, when I had really bad heartburn the second and third trimester, to the point that I would just throw up like I couldn't even I didn't know it was coming, it just came out. It was crazy and I actually threw up on Maggie multiple times due to just not being able to get up or even turn away in time. I hope, I'm hopeful she she doesn't mention it now, I'm hopeful she doesn't remember that, but it was multiple times because we co sleep as well, so it was multiple times. I like threw up on her and I feel we laugh about it now, but it was. It was hard. I was throwing up a lot and just having really bad heartburn and I'm very small and structure and this baby was huge. And both pregnancies I'm sure you've heard people say, oh, you're all baby, like you're carrying the baby, like it's just I.

Elizabeth:

I didn't gain weight anywhere else. I did get a little chunky in my face, I got. You know my face would swell up a little bit but it was all belly. Both pregnancies. But then, especially by June, I was barely moving. You could make out his body in my like like he was just so stretched out he couldn't even roll. At June, come June, a few weeks before he was due, I just I couldn't move and neither could he so. And I will mention I did have I I barely passed my gestational diabetes test with Ben Maggie. I passed fine with Ben. I barely passed. I was a few numbers below what they have as kind of the threshold. So keep that in mind as I continue on with my story and so, as far as care goes, this is kind of in my notes where, and so, as far as care goes, this is kind of in my notes where.

Elizabeth:

So, throughout the whole experience, as I mentioned, we moved from Bangor OBGYN when they closed to Northern Light Women's Health and I think we kind of had high expectations going in because of the care we were provided with Maggie and we quickly learned that that was not the case. Right from the beginning I would leave appointments very upset. It was we would be waiting for close to 45 minutes, both taken Andrew would take time off from work to take me to these appointments, would find a sitter for Maggie. We would wait for close to 45 minutes before we were seen, only to be seen for 15, 10 minutes. It was like you're in, you're out. It was not personable at all for the nurses, the providers. It just it was. It was not a comfortable experience and so we we had a hard time with that and oops, I'm sorry.

Angela:

Did you go around to different providers or did you kind of have one that you liked to go in?

Elizabeth:

So we have one. We were set with that, I well, she was there for some of the delivery, which I'll get into. We saw different providers, I would say, and there would be like one or two that were like, oh, we like them, but we didn't see them again. It was not consistent. Like it was at Bangor OBGYN, I mean, when we were at the other office it was the same med wife and you would see the same nurse.

Elizabeth:

Like that's how consistent it was and we were being thrown everywhere. Um right, I mean a lot of people were having babies at that time and you know there was limited care offered in the Bangor area, so I understand it at that side, but it was, yeah, that made the pregnancy very hard, I would say. So that continued on throughout the whole pregnancy just our lack of care. I would say it was around our 34, 35 week ultrasound, maybe it's 36 weeks, it's in between those. They said he's eight pounds. I actually think he might've been close to over eight pounds at that point and he will most likely. The tech said he's most likely going to be over eight pounds at birth.

Elizabeth:

So we met with our OB and, like I said, we were just not pleased with her bedside manner not pleasant to work with, lack of information. I know this was my second pregnancy but it was a different experience. I was having different symptoms and different things come up than I did with my first and I'm I like to ask questions, you know, and we weren't getting those questions answered. But we just kind of stuck it out because we figured well, maybe she won't be the one delivering was kind of our mindset, so we just stuck it out. So after that ultrasound, she this is what the lobby said she said he's a big boy, but I don't think you'll need a C-section. We'll just continue to plan with our induce at 39 weeks if there's room. And Kendra and I just went home like we drove home and we were thinking about it. Yes, we knew and we had talked with some friends who were nurses Like sometimes the ultrasound numbers are kind of in the weight measurements they're wonky and they're not always right, uh, but you could tell from how I was carrying he's a big boy and I'm so short and I'm small. And we're just like how is this going to work? Is this going to work? So, after talking with just our the woman in our, our moms and our sisters, I decided to call and ask about schedule in the C-section. And our OB came right back and she said I strongly encourage you to continue as planned with a vaginal delivery. I will be able to deliver naturally is what she said that I'd be fine. So we're like, okay, I mean, I've never had surgery before in my life. So I'm like, okay, I don't want a c-section. I just I don't know how this is going to go, but we'll just put that away and we'll just go in and do this. Naturally we'll do this.

Elizabeth:

So, uh, the night we were told we'd be called to be induced and come in it, just it went by because they just didn't have the room. I couldn't really sleep. We just we tried to embrace that extra night we had and did the whole nighttime routine with Maggie, did books and songs and snuggled with her and I tried to to sleep, but I was on my phone the entire time. I couldn't sleep. And we got the call around six in the morning to head in. So we headed in and I did eat breakfast on the way. They didn't say whether to or not, but I just went ahead and ate breakfast. So I was checked and I had not changed since my last appointment, so I will mention that I didn't. I forgot to mention I did end up getting a membrane, one of those sweeps before.

Elizabeth:

I think it was at the 38 week appointment. It was the week before and I actually ended up going to the hospital the week before, like a few days before we went for my induction, because I was having really painful contractions, like clinic talked through them, but they weren't consistent and I had barely dilated a centimeter at that point. When we got to the hospital for to be induced I was barelyated, so they went ahead and started the Pitocin and I started to have regular contractions around 10. I think in this for iPhone, you know photo gallery they have the timestamps because I looked back at my pictures. So around 10, I took a picture of me having contractions. So I was having contractions at that point.

Elizabeth:

And this is where it just kind of goes a little wonky as far as times go, because I feel like the birth was a traumatic experience and I don't recall much of the labor process. So things started to go downhill with epidural. I'll just, we'll start with that. So I wasn't having a strong contractions at that point. But they said we're going to go ahead and do that epidural, one of those things. Again I'm like okay, and I just I wasn't. I didn't think about it. If I thought about long enough I would have said well, I had that early last time and that didn't work out. Maybe we'll wait a little bit longer. But they said, no, let's go ahead and do that, but girl. So I decided to go ahead and get it done and I'm sitting there and Andrew's holding me supporting my legs, I'm on the edge of the bed and it's just quiet, like it's just dead silent.

Elizabeth:

And the anesthesiologist last time with Maggie, was telling me every step he was doing, and this time it was just quiet and she said, oh, I can't, it's not going in, it's not working. She wasn't able to get it in the first try. I was feeling everything. At this point I was feeling these sharp, staining pains like everywhere. I was crying at this point and Andrew was like looking at me and he was really nervous because you're not supposed to move or anything. And he's like, babe, just don't move. Like he was starting to get nervous too. And so finally she was able to set it up. I don't know how long it took, it was very painful. So that kind of set me off because I'm like, okay, this was not a pleasant experience and she was not personable at all, and so I believe it was. I mean, I don't know if it was.

Elizabeth:

Yet they broke my water right after the epidural. Like I mean they my OB came in and broke my water, um, which last time I was able to sleep, and they didn't break my water until later, after I had progressed more. So they went ahead and broke my water, but I was able to go to sleep after. So, like Maggie, I actually fell asleep and I slept into the evening. Um and this is where the times get wonky, cause I just really don't know so, um, when I woke up, I was about eight centimeters.

Elizabeth:

Um, I immediately felt the need to push and, um, I don't know if I I think I might have progressed to a nine and they said, okay, you can try to push. Now. My OB wasn't in there, it was. I had a student, a male student who was just the sweetest I'll mention him later on and I had two nurses in there and Andrew was in there. We had a few students and so I was pushing and I did really well this time. I had really, I don't, I don't know what changed from last time, but I had, really I was doing good pushes. I was pushing and I was progressing and he was moving down very nicely. So that was going really well and we were really positive and upbeat about it and I was feeling good, um, I got, I was. I kept saying I got the hang of this, I can do this.

Elizabeth:

So our OB came in and she stayed for about 45 minutes or so of me pushing, and at this point we were in the two hours and his head was low and I was progressing. But she looked at the clock, she looked at her watch, and then she started to take her gloves off and she's like, well, I need to go home now. And I'm like wait, what, what, what, what's happening? And she's like you'll see a different provider. Like that's how she said it. I'm like what? And Andrew and I are just like okay, but also, obviously, I'm in the middle of pushing. So I'm like, okay, whatever, like let's just do this, let's get him here.

Elizabeth:

So she left, my OB that I had seen pretty much the whole pregnancy, just left, um and at. So I, at that point, that epidural that everyone said I needed was starting to wear off, but I was doing okay. I wasn't like, oh, I need more drugs or anything like it. I was okay, um, and so I, but I noticed it was starting to wear off and I continued to push, and at this point, though, I was. We hit the three hour mark and I'm like, andrew, I'm tired, I'm starting to feel really tired. Uh, so shortly after that, um, I don't know how long it was after my original OB left, the room started to just fill up with multiple nurses. Andrew did count and we had close to 20 nurses in there.

Elizabeth:

And then the other OB, who we had seen once or twice before in the office, that we did like. She's very sweet and thorough. She looked at me, she came down, she checked me and she said listen, you've been in here for a while and you've made great strides with your pushing, but it's time to get the baby out. So I'm going to try the forceps twice and if we don't get him out on the second try, I'm taking you in for a C-section and I'm like what can try? I'm taking you in for a c-section and I'm like what? I'm just in shock at this point because I've never had surgery in my entire life, never, ever. And so Andrew's on one side holding my leg but he's watching the entire thing because he wants to see and he explains it. I had him I'm quoting Andrew because he wanted to put this in. But he said that you could see Ben's head, but it just was not budget and he was stuck on my bone there. So they tried twice and they're like we're going in and it just.

Elizabeth:

It was organized chaos, but it just turned into chaos. They pushed Andrew out of the way. They said you need to go get ready. Here's what you need to do. Within five minutes I was already in the OR being prepped and I remember saying to them I can feel, I can feel Like that door wore off. I wanted them to know that I feel everything and that they need to do something before they open me up Like I was terrified. So they got me on the table and they were very thorough and explaining everything that they were doing and I soon I felt like I had like bricks stacked on top of me Again. This is my first surgery I've ever had, so it was all new. I ended up actually throwing up all over myself. I don't know if it's because I had ate that morning, but I yeah, it was a lot of throwing up just reacting, I guess, to everything. And this was all before Andrew came in, but he came in shortly after all, dressed in his scrubs.

Elizabeth:

I was pretty well aware during the delivery. I remember feeling the tugging and like I remember that part and I remember them pulling Ben up and I could see Ben. After that I was just out, I, I was, I would come in and out. Essentially is what happened. I remember looking to my side and I could see Andrew holding him by my head and he was all wrapped up in a blanket and everyone was trying to talk to me and I think I tried to respond, but even Andrew said it was just gibberish, like I just was, I was out of it.

Elizabeth:

And so, uh, they, they, it took like I think maybe 10 minutes or so, less than that, to get Ben out, but it was like close to an hour to get me all sewn back up. So I was, um, andrew had to hold him. I wasn't able to hold him and they ended up having to give Ben formula for his first bottle, uh, or, you know, give him his first bottle, cause I wasn't doing skin to skin and when they wheeled me back to the recovery room I still hadn't really held him yet. Andrew actually took pictures of me after they wheeled me back into the recovery room and you can just see like I'm out of it and I'm like holding, I'm like bracing myself on the side of the bed, like with the rails I'm holding on really tight, because I was just like it was just, I was a mess, and so I wasn't able to do any skin to skin for like the first maybe two or so hours of him being born. Andrew had to hold him and, yeah, just shock. Shock is the way to put it.

Angela:

Wow, that's very intense Wow that's very intense.

Elizabeth:

It definitely seems like and I'll explain a little bit more, but it seemed like there was an agenda there, still 11 months postpartum. I'm just trying to process everything and how it all went down. I think we both are. And so the postpartum side I ended up having to stay three nights and we left on the fourth day. I was thankful this time around because with Maggie it was still, it was post COVID but they didn't let visitors in. So this time around I was able to have my grandparents come visit. My grandma's was actually having a surgery that same one of the days I was there, so my aunts were all at the hospital so they got to come up and it was just really special. And I appreciate that as well. Because Andrew ended up going home the three nights I stayed. And I appreciate that as well, because Andrew ended up going home the three nights I stayed so Maggie could have her routine because she was just missing mama. So Andrew got to go home and I just that really was a positive of the whole experience. That and the nurses and my postpartum care team. But having family there really helped.

Elizabeth:

I never used the nursery service. When Maggie was born she was in the room the entire time. And one thing I noticed, like you, you I'm sure you've talked with, like, like I talked with my mom and Andrew's mom, and you know, back when we were being born in the hospital they would take you to the nursery a ton and let the mom recover and sleep and stuff. But now they have signs on the postpartum floor like, oh be, keeping the baby with you is best and stuff, um, which I mean I prefer. So I never used the nursery with Maggie but with Ben, and without having Andrew there I could barely get up to use the bathroom and I was just so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. So I let them take him for a few hours at nighttime so I could sleep. And he was the favorite baby those three nights because one of my nurses came in and was like so he didn't sleep in his baths and that the entire time we just held him. We took turns holding him. He was a big nine pound, well, nine ounce, 11 pound baby bear like he was just so snuggly still is to this day. So uh, he was. You know, I, I did appreciate that service then, um, and I, I, I, I felt sad at the moment having him go, but I knew that's what I needed. I needed the sleep. So don't feel bad sending them to the nursery for a few hours, especially if your spouse can't be with you and you just need those extra hands because you're recovering too. So, and yeah, I, I really again just a phenomenal team, especially this time around.

Elizabeth:

I had nurses coming in. There's a few that we are friends with, family friends with, so I knew a few already on the floor. But we had random nurses coming up. Maybe they were the ones who were at the delivery. I don't know there was over 20 at the delivery, cause I don't know there was over 20 at the delivery.

Elizabeth:

But, uh, postpartum, I would have multiple people come in those three days and say, how are you doing that? That was a really tough, that was a tough birth. And and they're like, are you doing okay, like so, um, I think that really kind of OK, like so. I think that really kind of. That's when it settled and what happened. And looking back now, because I was having other health care professionals tell me like what happened wasn't OK, like that shouldn't have happened, and so the OB that delivered bed and saw us postpartum, and then I saw another OB for, like my I don't know six week appointment follow-up postpartum another one I had never seen before, another provider. She looked at my records and read the papers and the files and just recounted my experience and they both said you shouldn't have delivered naturally, should have been a scheduled C-section, he was too big and there's no way he was going to come out naturally. And so because essentially, if you think about it, I had two births. I, I did the labor and I delivered. I mean, I got him far enough to the bone and then they had to go in and, like Anderson, pull him back up, and so I had two deliveries essentially, and so that shouldn't have happened like that.

Elizabeth:

So, yeah, I did want to add while we were at the hospital. So he had really bad reflex right off, which maybe that's why he had the bad heartburn, I don't know. He had really bad reflex at the hospital and it took him a while to latch. So these specialists and if you know their name you can jump in. It's a long name, they had written it on the board, but I don't remember it was three specialists that came in and essentially they did like an adjustment on him Like they were moving him around and doing that.

Elizabeth:

And after they came in and did that, he nursed perfectly fine and Andrew and I were just I mean, we were just so burnt out and tired after that whole birth and ordeal.

Elizabeth:

So when they came in, we're like, yeah, sure, let's try it. And we were just watching them in amazement because they were just like working around each other and I know I didn't dream this, I know I was kind of in and out of it, the whole experience. But whatever they did, they were awesome, they were very sweet and he nursed perfectly and he's still nursing at 11 months old. So whoever those people are that came into my room and did that, you guys are great and I wish I knew your name so I could recommend them to other people, but it's a service the hospital had and it was awesome. So, wow, was it like chiropractors? Maybe it was like a long name and I do know that their office was outside of the hospital, but they visit the hospital and, you know, take care of, like, the newborns as well, but they're specialists like they. This is what they do.

Angela:

So how was your postpartum, when you got home and after the hospital and leaving and settling in?

Elizabeth:

home, then after the hospital and leaving, settling in. So I would say I didn't bleed for as long with Maggie, and maybe it's because I didn't fully make it, I'm not sure. Um, so that was a positive I I I took those extra few days in the hospital, but when I got home, I am very routine oriented and my kids are too, and so I just was jumping back into routine and make breakfast for Maggie and take care of her and they said no, lift in her. How are you not supposed to lift your baby Like your first baby? I don't know, I couldn't do that. So I still picked her up but, despite Andrew's efforts to keep me in bed, I just pushed it and then I regretted it because my recovery was much longer.

Elizabeth:

I was in bed for about two weeks, I think. Thank God for my mom. She had recently gotten done the job she was at and had taken the summer off, and this was before we knew that any of this would happen. You know, and praise the Lord because she just was there every day when Andrew. Andrew had to get right back to work. I don't even think. I think he went back to work that Friday and my mom was there and he stayed and she took care of Maggie and took her to the park and toddler time and just was able to devote that time to Maggie so I could lay in bed and just nurse and snuggle Ben. So I I was laid up for quite a while and I'm unfortunately still having side effects of the C-section and epidural 11 months postpartum, and so I'll get into that in a little bit, but I will.

Elizabeth:

I will say I think it was probably a few months ago. I, just out of curiosity, I looked at my records and actually read the birth like their side of things, and I was diagnosed at birth with gestational diabetes. So once he's delivered and I guess the nurse had asked Andrew in the OR, hey, did she have gestational diabetes? And he's like no, and so I will say postpartum, this time mentally was a lot better than it was the first time. So I was working from home with a very flexible job and when the anxiety did start to kick in I was able to recognize that and treat it.

Elizabeth:

I went back onto my medicine for a little bit and then I was also able to let Andrew handle Ben if he was crying and I would take a long shower by myself. I'm like like there was at one point both kids were crying and Andrew was in the bedroom with them. I'm like I'm going to take a shower, yeah, so it was a lot better this time around. I was just, I was able to recognize, you know, my body and how I was feeling. Um, and I.

Elizabeth:

I have to give myself applause for that because, seeing as how Ben's birth was so traumatic for me, I am very happy and proud of myself to be able to recognize the anxiety kick in and be able to treat it and handle it better than I did with Maggie. I guess you could say so yeah that, but postpartum, I mean otherwise I would say I'm still struggling with some physical things. So I haven't seen a doctor about it, which I probably should, but every now and then I still get a sharp pain up and down my spine and down my legs, like it's just a quick, sharp pain up and down my spine and down my legs, like it's just a quick, sharp pain, definitely still having back pain, which I never had before, only when I'm pregnant. So that has definitely made me reconsider some things for next time.

Angela:

Oh boy. Well, thank you so much, elizabeth, for sharing all of this really vulnerable stories, and I think it's so important to bring up what you just mentioned too about the postpartum and just really recognizing the behaviors, because the first time going through it it's so hard. You're having, you know all of these new things going on from the baby to your life and you know all of the things to you know get whatever support that you need and in those times because it's something that can take us by surprise for sure- Absolutely and I would say the biggest thing.

Elizabeth:

I mean moving forward, because we plan to have more babies in the future. So I'm really searching and and looking about how I want my next delivery to go. I don't have to have a C-section, I can try for a VBAC and I think you know I really want to forego the epidural and I'm considering hiring a doula. So I might be coming to see you soon and just you know, I think, really being an advocate for my care and the care I'm receiving and if you know, the first few appointments don't go well, we're switching providers or trying to find that provider that fits for us. I do foresee us continuing with the hospital, but I really would like to look at ways that I can go about it and not have to do an epidural. So I think that's going to be kind of my research for the next few years before we have the next one.

Angela:

So yeah, and that's sort of the really important thing If you do have a doula or somebody, anybody really else there to support you, even if you know, you tell your husband next time going into it, like you really you know, to watch, you know and have provide extra support during that time, that you know you are feeling more vulnerable and things are getting painful and when the nurses might, you know, come in and rep you recommending an epidural and it's like you know, that's when somebody could say, well, we'll be okay for a little while longer, like right, we'll still be here, you know, like they're not going anywhere.

Elizabeth:

Right, Exactly, and so, yeah, that's my plan is just to just, you know, navigate that. And I'd also be interested, I think, in incorporating the tub, which they do offer. They said at the hospital you can't birth in the tub but you can labor. So really just finding ways to manage my pain and how I can do the mental work during my pregnancy to be able to deliver. So that's my goals for next pregnancy.

Angela:

Yes, mindset is really so important, everything leading into your birth experience. So, as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who is expecting, or even new parents, what would be the biggest overall thing that you would want to say to them? Oh, goodness.

Elizabeth:

Well, you know, I would say you know, I feel like some days I feel like we're still in the trenches a little bit. But looking at it now, 11 months postpartum, if you are considering whether or not to try for that second baby, or you're currently pregnant with what some might consider a less than pleasant age gap, I know some people are like oh my gosh, you guys are nuts, just go ahead and do it. We have had zero regrets having our first two babies close in age. I'm seeing now that at almost three and at almost one, just the bond and closeness as they play together every day and they already are starting to fight over some things. But they Maggie just really took on that big sister role and just loves him and he looks for her so much. If she's not in the room with us he's looking for her.

Elizabeth:

So, honestly, you're already tired. You might as well just add another one, right? So I would really recommend parents considering the close age gap. There's nothing to be scared about. There are hard days, but anyone's going to have hard days when bringing the baby in. So and then I just I hope my story reminds and encourages moms to just be an advocate for your body and your babies, because in this world, that's what you need to be able to do.

Angela:

So yes, I completely agree. Well, thank you so much, Liz, for joining us today and sharing your birth stories. Thank you for having me.

Elizabeth:

I love this podcast. I recommend it to me if I pregnant mamas, or even just postpartum mamas. So thank you for having me and allow me to share my story. Has you know, when I share my story it helps me, uh, just, you know, kind of still grasp everything and work through what happened.

Angela:

And that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth podcast. Thank you for joining me and listening. If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages. I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide. I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms. It's called 37 questions to ask your care provider, whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers. This is for you. Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for. So go grab that. It's at mymainbirthcom slash download. Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.