MyMaine Birth

83. Mari's Story of Pregnancy Surprises and Overcoming Obstacles

• Angela Laferriere • Season 2 • Episode 83

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Join me this week for an eye-opening episode where Mari shares her deeply personal journey, from the shock of discovering she was pregnant just before an IUD insertion appointment, to the intense birth of her daughter, Violet, at Northern Lights Eastern Maine Medical Center in Bangor.  Mari opens up about her initial anxieties, her connection with the midwives at Belfast Women's Health, and the heart-wrenching decision to transfer to a high-risk facility due to gestational diabetes. Her story is a testament to the resilience and strength required to navigate the unpredictable nature of childbirth.

Mari candidly recounts the intense labor pains after the medications were given to start her labor, the relief brought by an epidural, being on her back the entire time, and then the shift to an unplanned C-section. The episode highlights the emotional and physical strain, including a postpartum hemorrhage.  

Through her challenging postpartum recovery, Mari shares invaluable advice for new parents, emphasizing self-advocacy, the importance of rest, and the support of loved ones. This episode is a compelling listen for families navigating the hospital system.  

MyMaine Birth is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine.  From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.  Whether you are a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.  

Are you interested in Doula Support or Birth Photography for your upcoming Maine birth?  Head over to my website or shoot me a DM to inquire about your due date.  

https://www.mymainebirth.com

I am about fully booked for 2024 and early 2025, but occasionally have last minute openings so please reach out if you are interested in adding my support to your birth plan.  

Thank you again for tuning in, and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories.  Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! 

I'll see you back here again next week! 

Mari:

hold on to something, because this is really kind of a whirlwind. So I went in to be induced. I honestly think that being induced led to how my daughter came into the world. It got to the point where her heart rate was starting to get funny, I was starting to spike with fever. So they're like, to keep you both safe, we think that we should do a C-section. I'm like, okay, cool, whatever we got to do to get her out, that's fine. And so we go into the c-section. They take my husband and get him all gowned up in this hazmat looking suit and I'm laying in the or table and I'm trying really hard not to cry because I was just very emotional. I've watched a lot of gray's anatomy, which is not great, um, and so I was getting very anxious, I was trying not to cry and then my husband comes in and I just feel like a bunch of tugging, like I thought they were barely even doing anything. And the next thing I know like she's there.

Angela:

I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome to episode 83 of the my Main Birth podcast. Today's birth story guest is Mari, and she's here to share all about her birth at Northern Lights Eastern Maine Medical Center in Bangor. Hi, mari, welcome to my Main Birth. Thanks for taking the time to chat with me today, of course. So to get started, will you share a little bit about you and your family?

Mari:

So it's just me and my husband currently, and our two cats. We live near Newport Maine and we have a daughter named Violet. She's the light of my life. I'm sure every mom says that. Let's see, we've been married. Hold on, I have to do math. We've been married for, I think, about nine months, and the funniest thing is that we were engaged for roughly two years and six months before our wedding date I found out I was pregnant. So I was six months pregnant when we got married.

Angela:

Oh my goodness, wow. So yeah, I guess that brings me right into my next question is share a little bit about when you found out you were pregnant, Of course.

Mari:

So it was kind of a whirlwind. I love my story, but also I'm like, wow, I had an IUD when we first got together and the women in my family have a history of being hard time getting pregnant. So I was like a year and a half in two years and I was like, you know, let's just take it out. You know it's gonna take a while for my body to bounce back. You know, whatever happens happens. Two years of us trying but not trying. Nothing happened. Like, well, maybe one of us is broken. Let's just not have kids. We'll be the cool aunt, uncle that you know, travel the world and spoil our nieces and nephews.

Mari:

And I had an appointment to have an IUD put back in and where I were to work at a health care facility that does hormone replacement therapy, does gynecological, prenatal, all that, all kinds of stuff, and so I had an appointment and every week I was like you, you know, I'm just going to test, like just to make sure the day of the appointment something doesn't happen. And a week before my IUD insertion appointment I had a positive test at work and so I looked down at the test and I bring it back to one of our providers. I'm like is this positive? Like I'm reading this right, right and I'm reading this right, right, and um, it's like, yeah, yeah, that's that's positive. So I locked myself in one of our procedure rooms and just like felt all the feels yeah, oh my gosh.

Angela:

So what were your thoughts in choosing your care then after that?

Mari:

because where I work handles a lot of prenatal women. I have a work with a lot of obs nurse practitioners. I asked all my providers I was like, if you could choose anywhere, where would you go? And, oh my goodness, at least five out of the nine people I worked with all recommended the same provider over at Belfast Women's Health, waldo County Women, shannon Axelson, and all the appointments I was there. They rotate midwives there.

Mari:

Every single one of them was so sweet, so kind and I was there for at least up until 35 weeks of my pregnancy and then I had to transfer over to Northern Light Women's Care because I had gestational diabetes and it was getting to the point where they were like, listen, I think it's safest for you if you go to Northern Light, because we are a low risk facility and because of the diabetes we consider you high risk, which I fought for a little bit. I won't lie. I I went back and forth on it for weeks. Just like I love my midwives, I'd been with them for that whole time. I was comfortable with them and the MAs were just absolutely amazing as well. I friended one on Facebook and we talk all the time, but I was like you know what it's it time. But I was like you know what it's, it is what it is it's better to transfer at 35 weeks than at 38 and be completely lost.

Angela:

Yeah, wow.

Mari:

So tell me a little bit more about that. Um, the transfer was. It was really scary for a little bit because I was just like I have never heard really good stories about northern light. I personally had two grandparents that I lost at Northern Light, so I just had very negative emotions about the Northern System so I was very apprehensive about going there. But it really was the closest and most advanced hospital near me that I knew that in order to bring her into the world and have it be as safe as possible, I would have to go there. And after having birth there, I love the nurses that were with me in the labor wing. My husband and I talk about them all the time. They they're really great.

Angela:

Yeah, so now did you kind of just switch to one of the doctors at Northern lights and start to go to them for your appointments? How did it kind of look for your appointments?

Mari:

once you switched. I really only had two appointments before I was being induced, so that was fun. But I had Dr Heber and it was kind of funny because we were both pregnant. I think she must have already had her baby by now. But Dr Heber was really great. She was very understanding about the transfer and trying to get to know me and, yeah, I had two appointments and I'm like, all right, well, let's induce you. And I was like, yeah, that's fine, it works for me. You know, it's um, it's, that's what I'm looking for. It made the most sense, because I had gestational diabetes, to do it at 38 weeks rather than 40, because my numbers would only get worse as the day closer yeah.

Angela:

So how did that look? Was it kind of like just an appointment? You kind of went in to get induced after that, or did they kind of schedule a day where you're you know waiting to go in when it's available?

Mari:

Today, after the second appointment I had with Dr Heber. She's like all right, let's get you induced, go ahead, and when you check out we'll schedule a day for you to come in. So that day finally came. Like the doctor told me to call and make sure that everything was on schedule that I could come in, and a lot of women gave birth the day that I was supposed to go in. So I didn't actually go in until the day after um, but I kept calling like every few hours because I was like I want to, I want to come in, you know. And, um, when I finally called I think it was probably the fifth time I called because I was on them about it and they're like yep, come on in. And so I went into the hospital, I think December 6th at night, and I was there overnight into the day, and then the next day I was there yeah, so will you tell me more now, kind of about your labor and, yeah, about your brother yeah, uh, hold on to something, because this is really kind of a whirlwind.

Mari:

Um, so I went in to be induced and I tried laboring through for as long as I could those games that went like I was in tears. I needed an epidural. So I finally got one and uh, oh, the women who go without an epidural. They have my heart says, oh my god, they are strong women.

Angela:

I, I couldn't do it it's so hard sometimes when you're induced versus like a natural like you, labor contractions because you are on those different medications which can actually make it so much more intense.

Mari:

So yeah, yeah, um, I honestly think that being induced led to how my daughter came into the world, which we'll. We'll get to that, um. But after the epidural, like, I was sitting there for a while and I was happy, I didn't feel anything. It was great I got to sleep, which makes up for the lack of sleep I got while I was in the hospital afterwards, but it came to the point where I was time to push and we tried for, I'll say, about an hour, maybe two, and she was just not coming out. She was not descending. They said that she was just stuck and it got to the point where her heart rate was starting to get funny, I was starting to spike with fever. So they're like, to keep you both safe, we think that we should do a C-section. I'm like, okay, cool, whatever we got to do to get her out, that's fine.

Mari:

Which is funny because originally when I found out I was pregnant, I was very I want this, this, this and this and this. I did all the research. I had a very strict birth plan and then, as anyone that's given birth can tell you, there is no plan. You know the baby will do what the baby wants to do and the birth is just how it happens. And so we go into the C-section. They take my husband and get him all gowned up in this hazmat looking suit and I'm laying in the OR table and I'm trying really hard not to cry. So I was just very emotional. I've watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy, which is not great, and so I was getting very anxious, I was trying to cry and then my husband comes in and I just feel like a bunch of tugging. I thought they were barely even doing anything. And the next thing I know she's there and the nurse that was in charge of being behind me she was very sweet and kind. I wish I got her name, but I asked her to play music because of the spinal tap they did to make sure you don't feel anything. My chest is feeling very heavy and I was starting to feel like I was going to go into a panic attack because I felt like I couldn't breathe. And the nurse was just, she was very kind. She was whispering in my ear, being like you are so strong, you're doing great, here's some music. And then my beautiful little girl was there and I'm like wait, you're done. It wasn't even five minutes and she's out and she was great. She was screaming, she was covered in ick, but yeah, she came out.

Mari:

I got sewn back up and went back to the room and then everything kind of took a turn for the worse when in the room, like I was holding her, we were trying to doing breastfeeding and unfortunately, due to my breast shape and size, like it was just not happening. She could not latch, no matter what I tried, and I just felt like this wave like dizziness come over me and I remember looking at my labor nurse, addie, and I was like I need you to take the baby. Like I feel very dizzy and the rest of it's very hazy to me. I don't remember a lot of it. I remember coming in and out of consciousness but I ended up having a very severe postpartum hemorrhage to the point where this is probably TMI. But I remember they had to shove like a vacuum and do like massaging to get it out and I ended up losing over half of my blood. And yeah, it was. It was very all over the place. My husband's very actually traumatized when he saw the whole thing. But at one point in time I was surrounded by nurses, my legs were up in the air and of course I was still numb from the epidural so I couldn't do anything and I just felt very helpless. But I remember thinking I need to stick around Nothing bad is going to happen to me today because I want my baby girl.

Mari:

And then this anesthesiologist came in and I think about him all the time. I would not be around if it was not for this man. He originally did medical school over in the Middle East and he moved to America and he's been in a few different hospitals in the area and because of where he did med school and did a lot of his I wouldn't say residency, but got a lot of his experience. He knew a lot about um, hemorrhaging and blood loss. And if it wasn't for him advocating for me to get more bags of blood because the the I guess, donor center, donation center was taking a very long time, if it wasn't for him advocating for me, I probably wouldn't be here today to see my little girl, cause he was like I don't care what you have to do, put it under my name, but I need his blood up here right now. And I remember waking up every so often and he was just smiling at me telling me that I'm doing great, that everything's okay. And uh, his name was I don't know how to pronounce it, it's either Dr Hooney or Dr Howney, from Northern Lank, and I think about him all the time. He was just an amazing person.

Mari:

Unfortunately, I was in the hospital for five days afterwards. I had to get a few different blood and iron transfusions and then when we were finally home a week after she was born but two days after we got home I ended up having another hemorrhage out. I remember I was picking my daughter up from her crib and I was trying to put her over to the changing table to change her diaper and I just felt this mush and I was like, okay, I mean, I've heard of how bad the bleeding gets after giving birth. I'll go check myself. I called my husband. He was laying down taking a nap because he had just finished watching her for a few hours so I could sleep. And at first he didn't hear me until I screamed his name and when I went into the bathroom and I looked it was just everywhere Like a horror movie scene everywhere.

Mari:

Friday the 13th saw bad um. So I remember, just like this calm coming over me, I was like I stood up. I had a towel I was holding against myself. I was like I need you to put the baby in the crib, I need you to call your mother and tell her to get over here. And he did. Bless his heart, he listened to me. He it done. I sat down on the floor with the towel and he came in and sat with me, told me that his mom was on the way. She got there so fast I don't want to know how many speeding laws she broke. Thankfully she was only 10 minutes down the road.

Mari:

But I remember the ambulance showing up and our bathroom is tiny, like there's no way of getting a stretcher in there, and I was against the far wall, so there was really no way of getting safely out. And the first ambulance that showed up there they only had lactated no, sorry, they only had regular ID bags. But because where I've lost so much blood they needed lactated ringers and a a specific chair to get me out, and so we had to wait there on my bathroom floor as I'm hemorrhaging for the next ambulance to show up, which was a solid 10-15 minutes later. Finally they got me in the stretcher. I was in and out of consciousness again.

Mari:

I remember I was feeling very tired. I just wanted to lay down and my husband was like like no, you stay away, you're not leaving me, you're not leaving her, it's not happening. And I were. I distinctly remember, as we were leaving, my mother-in-law was standing in the nursery doorway. She was holding the baby and I just remember thinking myself like I'm not a religious person, but I remember praying to god like I need to make it home with my baby. There's no freaking way, I'm not coming home from this.

Mari:

And it was pouring rain outside. They brought me down a set of stairs to live on a second story apartment and they told my husband, jake, to follow them there, not to speed, because you know that's bad. It was raining. I got to the hospital and unfortunately this part of the story isn't very great. I sat in the ER for like 10 hours and I didn't get really seen or examined for six hours after I got there. They're like you know, everything seems fine. Your ultrasound is great. I'm like well, yeah, like a six hour later. Of course, it seems great now, but yeah, then we went home and it's been good ever since.

Angela:

Oh my goodness.

Mari:

So what did they do when they finally got you in, they sat me down, they cleaned me up, they gave me an ID and monitored me. That's really it.

Angela:

Wow. So how was the rest of your postpartum time looking after that?

Mari:

Thankfully, you know it was all a pill from there. The only thing that really was irksome about the end the postpartum period was my lack of being able to help remove my C-section scar. And, like, bathing is very difficult because I'm a plus size woman, I have a little bit of a belly. I wasn't able to really lift my belly to clean very well, and so I would need my husband's help every single time. And, thank God, my best friend from high school she came and stayed with us for a few weeks afterwards to help with the baby, help with laundry, meals, really whatever. We needed to get me water if I needed it, and after being healed, everything is great now. She has slept through the night since she was like two months old. She's now very fussy. She's a very happy, beautiful baby. Uh, every time we go out she gets she gets so much attention it's gonna go straight to her head. I swear to god oh my gosh, wow.

Angela:

So, reflecting back on your birth, you had mentioned a little bit in the beginning about the induction. Would you have considered maybe not doing it so early?

Mari:

Yeah, I think that I think about this often a lot as well. If I had just gone the natural route, I feel like I wouldn't have needed a C-section that she would have just came out naturally because she would have descended naturally. C-section that she would have just came out naturally because she would have descended naturally she there wouldn't have been so much pushing involved more movement on her end. Um, I think a lot of it could have been avoided if I had just advocated more for myself because the epidural I was on my back like the whole entire time, which studies have shown that the more women can move, the more the baby naturally descends, even just like from side to side or with a peanut ball. But unfortunately, the entire time I was on my and throughout my entire pregnancy I was like I'm going to add, I'm going to add, that's not going to be me, I'm going to be up and down and all around. And the time came and it just like all left my brain. All my focus was just on getting Raul.

Angela:

Yeah, that can happen a lot. Did you feel pressured to induce?

Mari:

I didn't feel quite pressured. So basically it was also like logic that she was giving me on, inducing me to be better for my health and the baby's health. It was also kind of selfish because I wanted to, I wanted to meet her, I wanted her so badly. I was like, yeah, 38 weeks, 40 weeks, it's fine. I'd rather not wait the two weeks to meet her and I wish I'd just been a little bit more patient.

Angela:

Absolutely yeah. The end of pregnancy is so hard Literally, I think, the hardest time in your life to be patient. Yeah, for real. Wow, no. As a final question, if you were to give advice to expecting parents, or even new parents, what would be the biggest thing you would want to share with them?

Mari:

so I thought about this a lot since I emailed you and I actually have two. The first one is like really simple Get as many birth costs from the hospital as you can. Those are literally the best birth costs. I found Like I had set at least three different birth costs that I got from my baby shower, but the ones that the hospital gives you surpassed them so much. And the second one that really just helped my partner and I, and I understand it was probably easier for us than those who have who breastfeed, but taking shifts with your partner with the baby really helped me in the long run.

Mari:

I had time to recuperate, get lots of rest and I remember when I was pregnant I read a study done by the National Institute of Health that the chance of depression in women of poor sleep quality was three times higher than those without, and that getting an uninterrupted, at minimum four hours of sleep in that postpartum can can make that so much better. And so my husband and I I would do from like 10 and until seven o'clock, six o'clock at night, and then he would come in and he would do from six until like 3am and it just it really helped because he was able to feed her, take care of her. I was able to sleep, he was able to sleep and it really just it took so much pressure off of the both of us and made made the biggest difference yeah, oh my gosh, it really is so helpful to have two rested parents and I feel like, as a mother, like you feel like you like you have to do everything.

Mari:

It's just something wired in our brains Like if we don't do it, like it's not getting done. And I'm glad that I let that go and I was like, nah, you know, he's the father, he's the other part of this partnership. I need to put trust in him to be able to do that. And if not, then why did I have a baby with him?

Angela:

But I'm, I'm very thankful for the person I chose to have a baby with. He really is just the best, the absolute best. Yeah, that is just so sweet yeah. Well, thank you so much, Marie, for sharing your story with us today. It's been a pleasure chatting with you.

Angela:

Of course, thank you as well for having me, and that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth podcast. Thank you for joining me and listening. If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages. I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide.

Angela:

I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms. It's called 37 questions to ask your care provider whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers. This is for you. Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for. So go grab that. It's at mymainbirthcom slash download. Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.