MyMaine Birth

97. MyMaine Birth: Dessiree shares her Maine Birth story at Mercy Hospital in Portland with care from All About Women

• Angela Laferriere • Season 2 • Episode 97

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Imagine being told you might never have children at a young age, and then you grow up and find yourself pregnant. This is the raw and inspiring journey of Desiree, who, against odds, embarked on the path to motherhood. Join us as Desiree shares the rollercoaster of emotions and the unwavering support she received from her partner, James, her mother, and the incredible team at Northern Lights Mercy Hospital in Portland, Maine, as she navigated a high-risk pregnancy with remarkable resilience.

Throughout her pregnancy, Desiree faced significant challenges, including a subchorionic hematoma that threatened to derail her hopes of carrying her baby to term. She candidly accounts these daunting moments, balanced with the exceptional care and reassurance offered by her medical providers. We also explore how Desiree prepared for childbirth utilizing hypnobirthing techniques, building her confidence and overcoming fears as she anticipated the arrival of her daughter, Ivy.

But the journey never ends with birth. Desiree emphasizes the transformative power of postpartum support and community resources, such as Birth Roots classes and The Postpartum Project, which aim to provide invaluable assistance to new mothers. Through her story, Desiree highlights the importance of advocating for your wishes, finding your voice as a parent, and the crucial role of a support system in creating a positive parenting experience. Whether you're a parent, expecting, or simply moved by stories of resilience, this episode offers heartfelt insights and invaluable resources for navigating the journey of parenthood.

If you're looking to connect with The Postpartum Project you can find them on facebook or instagram https://www.instagram.com/_thepostpartumproject/
You can head to their website by clicking here https://postpartumproject.me/
Email - info@postpartumproject.me

MyMaine Birth is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine.  From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births, and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.  Whether you are a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.

If you're interested in birth photography or doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website https://www.mymainebirth.com and send me a message to inqure about your due date.

Thank you for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories.  Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!  

I'll see you back here again, next week.  


Desiree:

And anytime I would move to any other position, her heart rate would just kind of start to drop. And this is where Lily was amazing. She did not leave my side at all during the entire evening and night while I was laboring. She rubbed my back. My mom was there, my partner was there and she like held the heart monitor onto my stomach because I was on my hands and knees and I had the epidural so I couldn't feel anything. And so like my partner, my mom, are helping to like hold me up on my hands and knees and we would try position change and then her heart rate would drop against and we'd go back to my hands and knees.

Desiree:

And that was like a very pivotal moment in me where, like I kind of felt like the, the matron leave from me and like the mother was born. A part of me really gave in to what was happening and I don't know, I guess like mama bear took over and all I cared about was that my baby was okay. I kept on asking them if she was okay. Anytime they would suggest a position change. I would say no, she is happy, like where we are now. We're just going to stay in this. Like I, I did not care about, like, my legs, I didn't care about any of it, I only cared about her being okay. And I just remember, like now, looking back on it, I'm like, wow, that was like such a pivotal moment in my life where, like that transition really was made.

Desiree:

And so, yeah, I continued laboring and then, around, um, probably like six or 7.00 AM the following day, it was the day of my due date and, um, my epidural had shifted out of position and come out of my back and I so, and I hadn't had a cervical check. And since I was two centimeters dilated, so I was like, so, and I hadn't had a cervical check, and since I was two centimeters dilated, so I was like, well, I want it readministered, um, if I'm not fully dilated. So they did a cervical check and, thank goodness, I was fully dilated and completely effaced and ready to push. So I pushed for an hour, um, and then I had Ivy and I remember she just looked right at me. It was like the most beautiful, magical experience I've ever had. It was like a little bit overwhelming, because everyone comes into the room and they turn on all the lights and you're just like, oh my gosh, but I had a really amazing group of providers there to help me. My mom helped me push, my partner held my hand and gave me so much encouragement that I could do it, and I had two nurses from the previous day who I had had, and I had Dr Gettinger and I'd had her a few times in my prenatal appointments so I was pretty comfortable with her and she just kept on telling me how I could do it. She was almost there. It was really amazing.

Desiree:

And then, yeah, and then I got a holder and they gave me, um, a delayed cord clamping. They knew that that's what I wanted. They respected all of my wishes. Like, pretty early on they asked me, like what I wanted? Um, we were like declining hepatitis B and um, we just I just wanted like an hour. I wanted that golden hour where it was just me and the baby, as long as we were both okay. I just wanted to enjoy that time and really soak it in with her and that's what they gave me.

Angela:

I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth A space where we share the real-life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine, from our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome to episode 97. Today's birth story guest is Desiree, and she's here to share all about her main birth story at Northern Lights Mercy Hospital in Portland. Hi, desiree, welcome to my main birth. Hi, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today.

Desiree:

Thank you for having me on. I really appreciate it.

Angela:

Yeah, awesome. So to get started, will you share a little bit about you and your family?

Desiree:

Yeah, so my name is Desiree and right now I am a full-time student and stay at home mom. I'm getting my double master's degree in nutrition and public health, so I'm very busy. I have a six and a half month old daughter, ivy, and she's our first daughter, and I live here with my partner, james, and he's a business owner, so we get the luxury of kind of like working from home and getting to spend a lot of time with her, which is really awesome. And then we have our dog, nova, and we have three chickens.

Angela:

Oh my gosh, I love it, wow. So now share with me when you first found out you were pregnant and what were your thoughts in choosing your care.

Desiree:

Yeah. So when I first found out I was pregnant it's pretty surprising I it was like I was really moody and I had just gotten off my period, but it was like a little bit shorter than normal, um, and I was like very, very moody and that's not very much like me. And, um, a lot of my friends were just like, just take a pregnancy test, just see. And I was like, okay, there's no way. Um, when I was 13 for like a little backstory when I was 13, um, I had like a lot of reproductive health issues and so, um, they told me that I wasn't going to be able to have children. And I got some surgeries when I was 19 to kind of like see what was going on. Um, and one of my fallopian tubes is like permanently sealed clothes and because of that, like I have a very hostile uterus, um, so it was just, I never thought I was going to have kids, um, and so I was very surprised and I didn't like believe it at first, cause I took one and I was like it kind of looks like there's a line, but then when I sent it to like some of my best friends, they're like I don't see one. So I don't think there's anything. And then, like a couple more days went by and I kept on taking them and I was like, no, there's definitely a second line. It's getting darker every time. And then my partner, james, had asked me he's like, did you finally take a pregnancy test? And I was like yes, because I took a digital one. And he was like okay, and and I was like, and I'm pregnant and it was really exciting for both of us. It was definitely like, like I said, like a really big surprise, but it was really awesome.

Desiree:

And then I had to go about finding some care and so I had previously done like a lot of reproductive health work with Coastal Women's and I really enjoyed the care that I got there. I worked with a lot of women at the time and all of them had their children through Mercy Northern Lights and I just kind of liked their stories, their experiences. I loved the birth center at Mercy and it kind of like drew me to go there instead. So I started receiving care there at the All About Women's and, yeah, it was fantastic, it was super amazing.

Desiree:

I really wanted a midwife. I knew I wanted a more of a natural birth, but I did have a very high risk pregnancy and so we stuck with seeing OBs. I had to get a lot of ultrasounds in the beginning and blood work, and so it was kind of like I thought it was going to be at some point I could kind of switch over, but we just kind of remained high risk through the entire thing. So, um, but they all treated me amazing and they answered all the questions I had and I got to meet all of the providers and they made me feel really comfortable and, um, put a lot of my anxiety at ease because it was definitely nerve wracking being high risk with my first pregnancy.

Angela:

Yeah, oh my gosh. Well, so to go into the backstory then a little bit more. Oh my goodness, I feel like some of the terms like hostile uterus is like so harsh is like so harsh.

Desiree:

Yeah, no, it definitely. Yeah, it definitely was. Yeah, I think I feel like medicine has come a really long ways in the past 10 years, specifically in women's health, and so I kind of feel like when all this first happened, when I was 13, that women's health just wasn't taken as seriously, there wasn't as much light shed on it, and I think that the doctors were kind of just following protocols and since I was so young, when I was like told what was going on, they just had me wait for surgery for a long time. So it was kind of just like knowing like, oh, like being told, oh, you're probably not gonna be able to have children when you're like really young. And then you just kind of grow up like being like okay, I won't be able to have children, um, and then like you, but you're also kind of like in like the dark because nobody really is explaining like other options to have children or what it exactly means, if it's like reversible.

Desiree:

There's just so much that was left, I guess, unanswered. And it it wasn't. It wasn't that they weren't answering questions or they were avoiding questions, it just that they didn't have answers to give me. So we were just all kind of like on the edge, just like okay, just kind of accepting it, Cause there wasn't really much more you could go from there with.

Angela:

So yeah, yeah, that's super hard at such a young age, especially so you said you had a surgery that was done. Was it was just to explore, like what was going on, or was there actually something else that was done?

Desiree:

Yeah, so when I was originally they thought that I had really bad endometriosis and obviously you need to get like an exploratory laparoscopic procedure to see like how it's going and what's going on. And so I got that when I was 19. And when they went in they were like there's no endometriosis here. But when they did the dye test through my fallopian tubes, one of them was completely blocked and they did try to go in and open it.

Desiree:

But, um, the way that basically described it to me was like it was like cement, um, and so they feel like it was probably always closed since I was young, um, and I was like born with it closed and I I at the time to get my period very frequently and they said that they believe only one side was releasing eggs and that's why I got like really bad ovarian cyst and my periods were so heavy because my body just didn't know what was going on. And yeah, so since I was 19, I get blood work done every six months just to check my hormone levels, just since all my eggs are only releasing from one side and they release so frequently and I have premenopausal blood work. So we just keep track on it because I'm just so young. I'm only 23. So I'm really young and we're just like making sure everything's OK.

Angela:

Yeah, awesome. So then you had. So then what did your pregnancy sort of look like as you started care? Yeah, over at Mercy.

Desiree:

Yeah, um. So it kind of it started out pretty um traumatic but the care I received was amazing. So that's like something I really want to highlight. Um, because I had a? Um subchorionic hematoma and it was fairly large um at the beginning. So I kind of like found it, I was pregnant, was able to digest. It was like excited and nervous and surprised. And then I immediately it might be hard to like carry a baby, to term, um, so I was really nervous. I ended up going to the emergency room at mercy and they were really great with me.

Desiree:

Um, they took an ultrasound. They didn't see anything in the ultrasound. So then I was like, okay, maybe this is like something else going on. Um, and they had me follow up my provider the next morning. So the next morning I had another ultrasound, um, and they had already confirmed through blood work that I was pregnant and my HCG was rising, um, and the next morning they um ended up seeing like a little bit of a hematoma. And then, as my pregnancy progressed, um, it did get larger and it was right where the placenta was trying to attach. It did get larger and it was right where the placenta was trying to attach. So it took until about 24 weeks for the hematoma to finally go away so the placenta could finish attaching to my uterus.

Desiree:

And in that time I got lots of ultrasound. So I was getting them all the time. They were just checking on everything, making sure that everything was going good. I was put on restricted duty at work Um, everything was going good. I was put it on restricted duty at work Um. So I just had to like kind of be up on my um, put my feet up, rest a lot, drink tons of water Um. But the care that I got like they I swear I would call their phone number all the time and just be like I'm just worried, like I'm still bleeding, should I come in. And they were just really good at putting me at ease, connecting me with the provider and just letting me know it's OK and if it got like so bad, then to come in and they would see me.

Desiree:

But after that 24 week mark it was just smooth sailing. I felt so much better. The bleeding had stopped and I just really got to like rest and digest and just explore my new growing body, like all the growing pains and everything. And I was really nervous to give birth. I was really, really scared, just because I kind of never thought I was going to do it. So it was just something that I didn't really think about. And once I started to think about it, I knew I wanted a more natural birth. But I was like maybe I just need a planned C-section. I don't know if I can do this. And my one of my providers was actually able to connect me with a hypnobirth therapist and so I went through hypnobirthing and some parenting classes and my fears just completely subsided. I felt really confident in my ability to do it. So that was really awesome and a great resource from them.

Angela:

Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Your mindset going into it really can make such a big difference. And feeling prepared and having that like calm and like confidence in your body, really it's just, yeah, so helpful.

Desiree:

Yeah, absolutely. They really empowered me in my body and like kept on reminding me like you're born to do this, you're built to do this, like it's your first time. You don't really know what's going to happen, but your body will like take over, and I definitely think that's true.

Angela:

Yeah, wow. So now tell me about kind of the final like weeks and then days leading up to when your labor started and about your birth.

Desiree:

Yeah. So, um, I started getting Braxton Hicks like pretty early on, and so I, for like probably about a month before I gave birth, I kept on thinking I was going into labor and then I would call the provider line, and then they would be like you'll know, like you'll know when you're going into labor, just drink some more water, and like it'll go away. Most of the time it did. And so I actually went into labor a day before my due date and, um, so I had gone for my like 39 week checkup a couple of days prior and we decided to do a cervical check and I was still, I had a closed cervix. So I was like, oh, I kind of felt a little bit bummed, cause all my friends were like, oh, I was one centimeter, I was three centimeters dilated for like weeks before and I was like, oh gosh, this baby is not going to come out anytime soon, like she is so comfy in there. And then the night before I went into labor, we just were relaxing. I made sure like I had everything packed because I was so close to the end. And then at three o'clock in the morning I woke up and my water had broke and you know I was really thinking it was going to be like you see in all the movies or it's just like your water breaks and you know and it's a gush of water. But it was not. And I thought I like had peed myself in my sleep and I like got up and changed and laid back down and then like 10 minutes later I was like soaked again and I was like, okay, my water definitely broke, um, and my partner had like just fallen asleep because I couldn't get comfortable before that and I was like, well, I know, I'm not like going into labor right this second. Like my water just broke.

Desiree:

So I started doing the dishes and cleaning the house and then I called my mom at like 5.00 AM and she was like, have you called the doctors? And I was like, no, I'm just doing the dishes and making sure everything's all set for when I have to leave Um. And then I did end up calling the doctor and they told me just to labor at home for a couple hours the typical like if they start to get really intense you can't talk through them, they're really close together. You can come in. But they told me I could labor at home until about 9am and then I could go into the hospital. So I went in at nine. They checked my water had broken but my cervix was still closed, um, and since I was at the hospital, they had to admit me now.

Desiree:

So I got admitted in um at like nine 30 in the morning and I I was like under the um understanding. I thought that they were going to have to induce me, cause I didn't understand. Um, I thought that there was like a 24 hours since your water breaks and you have to have the baby or like you need a C-section. But it felt really good. They really reassured me that that's not what they do, that they really like to let your body like naturally labor as long as like there's no stress to you or the baby for really as long around. They said like around 24 hours. If you're still completely closed, they might take some intervention to kind of speed things up a little bit. But there was no rush and that made me feel really good. It was really nice.

Desiree:

So I labored there for about 12 hours. It was just me and my partner. We were filling out all the paperwork, making sure everything was ready, telling our family that we were at the hospital and we were in labor, um, and yeah, after about 12 hours they came in and asked to do a cervical check and I was still finally closed and I was so bummed out because the contractions were like getting intense, like more intense, and I was like getting excited and I was like in the bathtub and I was bouncing on the ball and I was just like doing everything I could to kind of like move things along and I thought I was getting somewhere and then they were like no, you're still closed. So, um, at that point we discussed, like what we were going to do going forward, if we were still just going to let me labor some, um, or if we wanted to take some intervention. And, um, we had decided to start me on pictosin. We're going to start maybe on like a low amount, just to see if we could get my cervix to open a little bit, and then maybe things would move along. Um, and it works. Um, it got me to two centimeters by hour, 18.

Desiree:

Um, and at that point my contractions were so intense and I wasn't on that much pictosum, but it was just I couldn't bear the pain much more. They're happening every 30 seconds. Um, it was like just so, so intense. I couldn't talk through it Like I couldn't do anything, but just kind of like ease my body into the pain and breathe through it. And there was actually a nurse shift change and my new nurse had come in and she is. She was my saving grace. Her name was Lily. She became best friends. She was really amazing and such a pivotal point in my care. She advocated for me so much when I really could not advocate for myself and she showed up for me and she kept on reminding me that I could do it and that I also had to be comfortable and it was really great.

Desiree:

So around like hour 18-ish, my contractions are really intense. I have me on pictosin. Nothing's moving along. I've been only two centimeters dilated, um, and we talked about pain management because I just really could not breathe through it. I wasn't getting anywhere, um, and I really did not want to up the pictosin anymore because it was so intense and I had tried bouncing on the ball. I was trying everything and just nothing was working, um, and so we talked about the different page management options and I decided on an epidural Um. There was like a medication I could take, but when they had described it they were just kind of like. It just kind of makes you feel drunk and it's a one and done. So once you take it you can't really take it again, and I am a recovered alcoholic so I did not want that feeling at all involved in my labor, so I decided on epidural.

Desiree:

The anesthesiologist came in. They had my mom and my partner leave the room. They administered the epidural and it really wasn't that bad. I like was obviously very nervous big needles going into my back, like I'm. So I was nervous, but they talked to me through it, they explained it, they placed it. It was placed like a little bit off to the side. They asked how it felt and then they replaced it into a great position and I got like a little bit of relief and I was like, yes, this is great. I was so excited to take a nap.

Desiree:

But my daughter had other other, um, other things on her mind. She did not want me to take a nap and so I ended up having to labor on my hands and knees for the remainder of my labor, which was about eight hours. Anytime I would move to any other position, her heart rate would just kind of start to drop, and this is where Lily was amazing. Um, she did not leave my side at all during the entire evening and night while I was laboring. Um, she rubbed my back. My mom was there, my partner was there, um, and she like held the heart monitor onto my stomach because I was on my hands and knees and I had the epidural so I couldn't feel anything. Um, and so, like, my partner, my mom, are helping to like hold me up on my hands and knees and we would try position change and then her heart rate would drop again.

Desiree:

So then we go back to my hands and knees and that was like a very pivotal moment in me where, like, I kind of felt, um, like the, the matron leave from me and like the mother was born. Um, a part of me really gave in to what was happening and I don't know, I guess, like mama bear took over and all I cared about was, um, that my baby was okay. I kept on asking them if she was okay. Anytime they would suggest a position change. I would say, no, she is happy, like where we are now. We're just going to stay in this. Like I, I did not care about, like, my legs, I didn't care about any of it, I only cared about her being okay. And I just remember like now, looking back on it, I'm like, wow, that was like such a pivotal moment in my life where, like that transition really was made. And so, yeah, I continued laboring and then, around probably like six or 7 am the following day, it was the day of my due date and my epidural had shifted out of position and come out of my back and I hadn't had a cervical check since.

Desiree:

I was two centimeters dilated. So I was like, well, I want it readministered if I'm not fully dilated. So I was like, well, I want it readministered, um, if I'm not fully dilated. So they did a cervical check and, thank goodness, I was fully dilated and completely effaced and ready to push. So I pushed for an hour, um, and then I had Ivy and I remember she just looked right at me. It was like the most beautiful, magical experience I've ever had. Um, it was like a little bit overwhelming because everyone comes into the room and they turn on all the lights and you're just like, oh my gosh.

Desiree:

But I had a really amazing group of providers there to help me. My mom helped me push, my partner held my hand and gave me so much encouragement that I could do it, and I had two nurses from the previous day who I had had, and I had Dr Gettinger and I'd had her a few times in my prenatal appointments, so I was pretty comfortable with her and she just kept on telling me how I could do it. She was almost there. It was really amazing. And then, yeah, and then I got a hold of her and they gave me a delayed cord clamping. They knew that that's what I wanted. They respected all of my wishes. Like pretty early on they asked me like what I wanted. We were like declining hepatitis B and we just I just wanted like an hour. I wanted that golden hour where it was just me and the baby, as long as we were both okay. I just wanted to enjoy that time and really soak it in with her. And that's what they gave me.

Desiree:

After I delivered my placenta, which was a little bit traumatic because, like you just had a baby and then now you have to like deliver, basically again, and my placenta had gotten like stuck. So I ended up having most of my placenta like ripped out, which was fairly uncomfortable, um, and I had something called um voluptuous cord insertion, where um the wartum's jelly, like the placenta come um, the umbilical cord comes out of the placenta with no wartum's jelly and then it goes back into the placenta and then it comes back out, and so it was just really really frail, um, and, thankfully, like, my daughter was extremely healthy and I didn't hemorrhage and everything was really great Um, in those regards, because they had never caught that on any of the ultrasounds. And, yeah, I just soaked up all the love for a whole hour and it was just me, her and her dad, um, my mom.

Desiree:

After I had her, my mom stepped out so we could really just have that time together. And then and then, yeah, then they just slowly came in and they were really great, like it wasn't like at one hour they came in and they were like, okay, now give us the baby. You have to do all this stuff. Like they came in and they were like, do you want some more time with her? Like do you mind if we weigh her? And they like asked me every step of the way like I didn't feel rushed, pushed, I didn't feel Like I just really felt like they were giving me that opportunity to like be with her and just enjoy this like beautiful time that we have together.

Angela:

Yeah, exactly, you'll never get those moments back, so it's so amazing when you're really able to soak it in.

Desiree:

Yeah, it was really wonderful and obviously something I never experienced before, but I was really thankful that I had such an amazing group of people to help encourage me to get to the finish line, because it was long 30 hours was very, very long and I really didn't know what to expect, and it exceeded all my expectations, like, even though it didn't go exactly how I had imagined, a couple of days before my labor, I had given been given some really awesome advice that, like you might have a perfect plan in your head, but you have to be willing to compromise and make changes, um, and just accept them as they come. And that's what I did, and so I felt very pleased with it all in the end, um, cause I felt like all I wanted was a healthy me and a healthy baby, and that's exactly what I got.

Angela:

Yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome that they, yeah, really let you lead the way on certain things Like, even like the delayed cord clamping. How long did you guys wait until you clamped the cord?

Desiree:

Um, I think we waited at least a couple minutes. Um, I'm not, honestly, I don't know like exactly how long. I know my mom got to um clamp the cord, cause she was like really excited about that. But yeah, we waited at least a couple minutes, I think, because, like my placenta had detached, that we didn't like wait overly long because the placenta was no longer attached to the umbilical cord. So it was just kind of like we it like we got what was in the umbilical cord. So it was just kind of like we like we got what was in the umbilical cord to like finish going, but then they just clamped it after that.

Angela:

Wow. So now, how was your postpartum?

Desiree:

plan. It was good. You know it's your brain does such an amazing thing where it just really protects you from all the craziness. After Um, once you get those first smiles and those giggles, you just forget about everything and um. But overall I feel like it went really well.

Desiree:

I had a really amazing support system. Um, my in-laws live across the street from me and my mother-in-law was amazing about coming over every day for at least a couple hours so I could get a nap, a nap in. She would make us dinner, which was really helpful, and we really got the chance to just like be at home. We stayed at home for like almost six weeks, other than just like the one month appointment for our daughter, which was a really amazing time for us. My partner took like a little break from his businesses so he could be really present with us, which was just really great. Yeah, I feel like we had awesome support.

Desiree:

And then I did end up attending one of the birth roots classes for four weeks and that really brought everything together for me, because I got to be in a room with other new moms who made me feel not so alone, who made me realize that, like what I'm experiencing, like I wasn't the only person experiencing that.

Desiree:

It really shed a lot of light on the fact that I was going to need like a little bit of therapy because I had like a little bit of postpartum anxiety and but that I wasn't alone in like those thoughts and those feelings and getting the help that I needed, which was probably that community was the most left to the side when a new baby comes into play and a lot of people forget that like this is a nerve wracking time for, like everyone involved in the situation.

Desiree:

And creating and fostering a community that's supportive and loving and understanding and shows up for you in those ways that you need them to show up and they really respect your boundaries is so important and I am so fortunate that I got that opportunity and that I did have that and I was able to build my network and build my community in that postpartum period, because I know that so many women and families in this country don't have that opportunity and I hope that as things change and progress, that we will be able to refoster that community and people, because it's essential. Like you can't do this alone.

Angela:

It really does take a village and we need to build those villages back up yeah, absolutely, having community and postpartum really can make the difference in your entire postpartum experience. So which birth roots class did you attend, because I know they have several different classes. Which one was the one that was really helpful for you in the postpartum time you remember?

Desiree:

yeah, so I was in the buds class, um, so that's like I think it's like four weeks to 12 weeks.

Desiree:

My daughter and I were the oldest, she was the oldest ones there but and yeah, there's five other moms and we would get together like every Thursday morning we would meet down in Portland and we would just like chat and discuss and like feed our babies and be around other moms and just get out of the house.

Desiree:

And I feel like for a lot of us it was kind of like our first venture out of the house alone with our child and like getting comfortable feeding them in public and when they're fussy in public and it's such a safe space to be able to do that and to not worry.

Desiree:

Like, oh, my child is like crying a lot right now. Like I don't want to like upset others, cause that's such like a guilty feeling you do feel, but everyone was like experiencing it together and you didn't feel that there. And like they would ask me questions about like where my daughter was at now, like and looking forward for, like where their kids are going to be at, and I would really get to reflect on those periods, like when my daughter was barely sleeping through the night, and like remind others and remind myself like, oh yeah, like if there was a time where it was every two hours we were getting up and now we're getting like four or five hours and like I'm really grateful for that and it was really nice to just have space held for me and like to be able to hold space for others.

Angela:

That's awesome Hearing about other resources in the community, because sometimes, like they're out there and you don't even realize that you know there's these things going on. So I'm pretty sure about that. So now, as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting, or even new parents, what would be one of the biggest things you'd want to share?

Desiree:

I think one of the biggest things I would want to share is, I guess, two things. The first would be you really have to find your voice as a parent. I think that you really need to be okay with making other people uncomfortable in your boundaries that you're holding, and it can be really tough. But one thing that I've done to like really remind myself of it is like I have this little child that cannot speak for themselves and so like I have to make those choices for them and I need to advocate for them. And it can be tough, especially when it's family or friends or even unsolicited advice by strangers, but really just being okay with being uncomfortable because you do need to hold up those boundaries for you, your family, your child. And then the second one would be to seek out resources. I am an intern at the Postpartum Project, which is a nonprofit through Saucon Valley Midwives and we host, like parents, free parent support classes twice a month and it's for parents with any age children where they can come with their children by themselves, just get together and foster more community, ask questions, get resources and it's just.

Desiree:

I think that that's something that's really awesome, that I didn't know prior to having my child that these were like things, so I think that that is definitely very important. And then finding a really good set of care providers, people that make you comfortable, like it's okay to change things up If you're not getting the care that you wish to receive. There are other options, there are other avenues you can go through. If you're in a financial position to hire a doula, you can hire a doula and they're really good at advocating for you and you can't advocate for yourself and they're very tough, strong women who put you first and your plan first, and so, if that's something that's really hard for you to do, I would definitely suggest looking into getting a doula. And then, yeah, just really finding care providers that you respect they respect you and your wishes and you feel comfortable with, because I think it changes and makes your experience so amazing.

Angela:

Oh my gosh, I love all of that, and I love that you're part of the postpartum project too, so that's a new thing that's been created recently, right? Is there anything else you want to share about that, because that's incredible.

Desiree:

Yeah, so we're working on bringing affordable doula services to rural York and Oxford counties and so these would be free of charge to the families and they would apply for a care credit grant through us. And we would cover 24 hours of postpartum doula care and it's in-home care, so the doula can come to you. And we have a 24 hours of postpartum doula care and it's in-home care, so the doula can come to you. And we have a list of doulas so the family would interview the doulas, find the one that they really like, and then they would get six four-hour shifts within the first year after their child's born, so they can use that early on.

Desiree:

A lot of postpartum doulas do nutrition services. They'll come and take care of the baby. If you want to sleep, they can do night shifts for you so you can get some more rest. They can even just come and cook and clean for you really anything that you need. A lot of them can help you with lactation if you're having issues with that.

Desiree:

So, yeah, this would be free of charge to families in those rural york and oxford areas and yeah, it would be six times charge to families in those rural York and Oxford areas and, yeah, it would be six times four hour shifts in the first year of life and we're starting our pilot project in January of 2025. We're going to be choosing two families who live in the area and then just follow them throughout their time and see how it goes. We are applying to a lot of grants right now to help get more funding and, yeah, we're just like hosting different events. We have a giveaway right now on our Instagram for a basket of goodies from some local businesses and we're doing a pumpkin carving event this Sunday in Steep Falls and that's free from one to four o'clock people of any ages, and we'll be doing a raffle there as well, where all the proceeds will go towards funding our projects.

Desiree:

But yeah, it's a really great group of providers. It's backed by the Sockby Valley Midwives. Brenda, who is the owner and she is the founder of this nonprofit, has been doing it for 35 years helping families and, yeah, we're just trying really hard to bring some community back into the world and to really bring a lot of that support and help that families need that's just been lost and to do it in affordable ways for them, especially because so many things are centralized to like Portland. We want to expand out and bring those services to other areas for people.

Angela:

Yeah, that's incredible. And what a better time than postpartum to? Yeah, I love that, oh my gosh. So is there a way for people to apply to like if they are, like, a family, in need of something like that in rural, those rural counties that you mentioned?

Desiree:

Yeah, so they can apply. There's a form available on our website. It's postpartumprojectme. And then also, you can feel free to send us an email. It's info at postpartumprojectme. Or you can follow our social medias. We're the Postpartum Project on Facebook and we are underscore the Postpartum Project on Instagram, and I run all the social medias too, so reach out on any of them. We can connect you with any providers or care, answer any of your questions. We're hoping to start interviewing families. We're going to choose two families through lottery system for our 2025 pilot project, and so we're hoping in December we'll have that, all the applications open and then, by the very end of December, we'll pull two families to start in January.

Angela:

Oh, that is incredible, and I will have all of that information that you just mentioned linked in the show notes. So if anyone's interested in checking that out, click over to the show notes and can follow those links to. Yeah, follow you guys over at the postpartum project. I love this. Thank you so much, desiree, for taking the time to chat with me today and, yeah, to share your stories and a little bit about what you guys have been working on over there.

Desiree:

Yeah, thank you so much for having me on. I love your podcast. I listen to it all the time. I love what you're doing and, yeah, this is so amazing and I really appreciate the opportunity to be on here and share my birth story.

Angela:

And that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth Podcast. Thank you for joining me and listening. If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages. I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide. I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms. It's called 37 Questions to Ask your Care Provider, whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers. This is for you. Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for. So go grab that. It's at mymainbirthcom slash download. Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.