MyMaine Birth

100. Birth Without Boundaries: Nicole's Maine FreeBirth Story

• Angela Laferriere • Season 2 • Episode 100

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Are you a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth?  You’re in the right place! 

In this episode, we discuss:

  • Home birth in Maine
  • The decision to birth without any medical assistance
  • What she did to prepare for this type of birth experience
  • The joy of birthing in your full power, and without anyone telling you what to do
  • ….and a whole lot more!

Additional Resources you’ll LOVE…

If you are ready to prepare for an autonomous birth experience, where you’re respected as the authority over your body and your baby…  regardless of where you plan on birthing -
CLICK HERE for 10% off  the MyAutonomous Birth self-paced, online course! 



If you’re wanting a little more support as you prepare for an autonomous birth…  Enrollment is now OPEN for the next round of the  MyAutonomous Birth Cohort, a guided child birth education for moms who don’t want to be told what to do!  

We’ll take time to get to know each other in a variety of ways throughout the program…  Including: 

  • live support from our private community of like minded mothers 
  • weekly birth coaching over zoom as you work through the material
  • special guest speaker workshops as you integrate and prepare for your birth
  • Virtual women’s circle’s 

Click HERE for all of the details!

Not sure where to start?  I’ve got you covered!  Check out my FREE resource, 37 Questions to Ask Your Care Provider.   Whether you’re interviewing new providers or have already established care, this FREE resource offers guidance on important topics to discuss with your provider. 


Nicole shared her story with me just one week postpartum, and the joy and awe are very fresh for her in this episode!  You won't want to miss it. 

If you're interested in birth photography and doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website https://www.mymainebirth.com

Send me a message to inquire about your due date!

Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories.  Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review!

Season 2 is coming to an end with this episode but stay tuned for Season 3 coming in January 2025!

Nicole:

Yeah, and contractions are pretty consistent, but like nothing. I couldn't really manage for most of the day. But, and again I was like, oh, could be, could not. I was still in such denial because I was like I've been here before, like I've had contractions like this, and I was like it's just, you know, it's not happening, there's no way. Yeah Right, I'm going to be pregnant forever. Like baby's never coming, he's just going to live in my body.

Nicole:

Um, so then I think and it was kind of cool because we're by the water, so, like you know, I was like contracting and so like I'd go and like hang out by the lake and like it was like beautiful, like that part of it was like how cool is this? Like I get to, like you know, put my feet in the water and like I was like in kind of like a spiritual. That's when I started realizing I that I was more in labor, like I kind of went into this more spiritual realm. Um, like I said, I do I um practice, like I'm a Reiki practitioner, so like all that spiritual realm was kind of like coming through and um, I was, I remember, standing down by the water with my feet in the water and just like soaking up like the water, energy and the wind, and I was like, oh, maybe I am really into labor, like I'm starting to kind of like go somewhere else.

Angela:

I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine, from our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births. Every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth. These episodes are for you. World of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome to episode 100 and the final episode of season two of the podcast. Season three will be returning in January of 2025, so stay tuned for that. And, of course, if you have any interest in sharing your main birth story, fill out the podcast form over on my website, mymainbirthcom, or shoot me a message over on Instagram at mymainbirth.

Angela:

All right, today's birth story guest is Nicole, and she's here to share all about her main free birth story. Hi, nicole, welcome to my Main Birth. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you Good? Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me in this postpartum period of yours. I love that you reached out to me when you did. Yeah.

Nicole:

I'm so excited. It's been amazing and I'm excited to do this do this Incredible.

Angela:

Yeah, I feel like these stories really like are eye opening for women that might not even know that this path is an option.

Nicole:

You know, I know it's so true, it's so true. I didn't know either. So I was so grateful when I was like enlightened, and I was like, oh, this is totally what I'm doing.

Angela:

Yeah, awesome. So to get started, will you share a little bit about you and your family?

Nicole:

Sure, yeah, my name is Nicole Chase. I live in Holton, northern Maine and Holton. Currently, we have a camp down in Unity area and that's where we ended up birthing our son, which was awesome. Let's see, I'm a clinical mental health counselor, so I work with a lot of different folks with just mental health challenges and life challenges, and my husband has a construction business in Holden and he grew up there and I grew up in more Unity area, which is why we're down here.

Angela:

Awesome, that's amazing. So now will you share a little bit about when you found out you were pregnant and your thoughts in choosing your care?

Nicole:

Yeah. So we consciously conceived, we knew we wanted a baby and I had wanted one probably like two years before we actually before I got my husband on board. And so within those two years, I had discovered, I think I saw a video online of a woman who gave birth in the ocean and I was like blown away. I was like, oh my gosh, I had no idea, like that, you could do this, you could birth outside of the outside of the system, like that. And so I kind of led me to this place called the free birth society and I was like immersed in this podcast and this whole world of women who are having like wild pregnancies, where they they don't receive like the traditional prenatal care, where they're, you know, just doing their own thing, caring for their body. And so I started listening to their podcast with all of these free birth stories and was totally inspired. So for like two years, before we were even pregnant, I was like when we get pregnant, like this is what I'm doing. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with prenatal care. I kind of was on the fence about it because I knew I didn't want to do any, like any tests. I was feeling a little nervous about doing ultrasounds. I, you know I knew I wasn't going to like really engage and so I was like, well, you know, what do I? What do I do? Do I like like start out there and just see what happens? And so I ended up around like six weeks I started bleeding quite a bit and I was, I was really nervous. I was actually in Costa Rica for a women for a Reiki mastery retreat and I was like, well, there's nothing I can do. You know, I was six weeks pregnant and when I got back home I decided to contact my OB and go in and just get an ultrasound, because I was nervous and everything was fine. It sounded like I may have had twins and had lost one of them, which was really interesting, and so then the other baby was okay. So I kind of engaged that way. And then of course, they set me up for the second appointment and I just never went back. I decided I really didn't want to like you know they I forget what they were setting up for the next appointment, but I decided I didn't want to do that. I did engage somebody actually in Lewiston who does like ultrasounds without like kind of questions asked. So I ended up doing another ultrasound at 20 weeks because I was in my head about the baby maybe being deformed or like didn't have something, you know, had something wrong and I really I just was so anxious about it that I needed to know. So we did the anatomy scan at 20 weeks and he was totally fine, baby was good and that was all I did.

Nicole:

I didn't take a prenatal. I was really really sick for the first like 16 weeks, like throwing up every every day, but I just continued to eat. For some reason, when I'm nauseous I like to eat which then made me throw up. So it didn't really make a lot of sense, but that's what happened. Um, so I I just nourished my body and just like listen to it. When I needed to rest, I I rested as much as I could, sometimes napping, like if I had like 30 minutes between clients, I was like passed out on my couch, my office and yeah. So that was kind of my prenatal care. It was just taking care of myself, like you know, making sure that I was getting the food I needed. We eat a lot. We have our own like vegetable garden and we both like hunt and fish and do all of that. So like we had our own, you know, like we eat really good food and I think that made a big difference. I'm not like a McDonald's kind of person, so yeah, so it was really great to just totally nourish my body as much as I could and keep, keep nourishing and that was kind of my prenatal care was the two ultrasounds and just taking care of myself.

Nicole:

Oh, and I did engage with a um, a woman named Anna Fox, who is a birth keeper, and she was awesome.

Nicole:

So I met with her like on a monthly to bi-weekly basis just via zoom, and like she helped me through, you know, any like fears I was having or any questions I was having or any weird things that I felt was happening in my body and we discussed she also was potentially going to be available If I did want her there for the birth.

Nicole:

My husband really kind of wanted somebody there. I think he was nervous about just kind of having that responsibility, but I the whole time was like, you know, I really just want to do this myself. So I kind of like humored, humored him a little bit and was like, well, we could talk about it, maybe Anna can be there. And yeah, she was amazing. Just like it's so nice to have another woman's support and be like, yeah, like you've got this, you're you're doing it, like everything sounds normal, and then to also know that you know she was able to like walk us through, like okay, you know, here are the three emergencies for when you're birthing, like if you need to like get up and go to the hospital. Um, and I also took the free birth. Society has like a, a course I forget what it's called.

Angela:

I think it's called the Complete Guide to Free Birth. Yes, and I actually have a discount code. If anybody is interested in purchasing that, I will link it in the show notes. So, yes, I highly recommend that.

Nicole:

Oh, so good, yeah, so I did that and so that was helpful to just like learn. And then I did a couple of the modules I would get my husband to be on board with too, so he knew kind of like you know, any emergency situations or what kind of his role could be, as you know, as a father and he met with, he did some meetings with Anna and I as well and kind of just talk through like what I might be needing from him in the moment and how to kind of be a support system for me as I'm birthing.

Nicole:

So yeah, that's a long-winded answer, but that's my prenatal care.

Angela:

Yeah, no, that's amazing. And nourishing your body with whole foods and, yeah, just like learning as much as you can about physiologic birth is just so helpful, right, yeah, it was amazing. How was your husband feeling as you're getting closer to birth?

Nicole:

Yeah, so he was getting more nervous. I started like, um, almost five weeks before my son was born, I was experiencing like a ton of contractions, contractions and prodromal labor, and I knew I wanted to birth down here at our camp and so I ended up taking maternity leave earlier than I anticipated because I was just like I didn't know when I was going to keep having these contractions and I just I couldn't be present with anybody, with clients, when that was happening. So there was a time where I was down here and I was like I don't know, it feels like labor, but I've never had a baby, so I don't know. So my husband came down, because he stayed up north to work and then like kind of a lot of his fears came out after we realized like, okay, it's just like prodromal labor, like this didn't happen. He was kind of like we need to talk about like a code word, like what to do if you need to go to the hospital, and so, like it was, it was a good thing that that kind of happened, because it allowed him to express what his needs might be around this, because I think he just got really nervous, thinking like, oh, my God, this baby's coming and I'm not prepared and I don't know what to do, even though we had kind of prepared.

Nicole:

So it was a good, it was a really good thing and yeah, but he, he was amazing, like after that, after we kind of worked through that situation, he was pretty calm about it all. He went back home after a couple of days and you know, I would just like update him, like contracting again today and he's like okay, just let me know when I need to come down, it'll be there in two hours. So yeah, so his, his fears, I think, subsided a little bit there. They did come back out a little later and I'll share. I'll share in that part of the story.

Angela:

But how were you doing as a first time mom experiencing this? I mean, you don't just sound really secure in your choices, but you said you you did talk with Anna about some fears that were coming up. Would you mind sharing any of the things that you're kind of experiencing?

Nicole:

Yeah, I think I was like I got really worried about like I think like hemorrhaging was a big worry for me. And then I was worried about like you know, how will I know if I need to go to the hospital, like if it's a, if it's an emergency, versus just me being like, oh my God, this is really hard. And so those were kind of some of some of my fears. I always felt like, okay, I can do this. Like I was so inspired by by just listening to all these women who have done this and I was like I can totally do this. Like women have been birthing this way for for for millions of years. You know we wouldn't be here if that wasn't the case. And just I think I was just like by the end I was so ready to get this baby out. I ended up having him at like 40, a little over 41 weeks, and so I almost 42 and I was like, okay, but I didn't.

Nicole:

I think my fears were around. I think a big part of my fears were around like how, like my husband's fears, like I was worried that his fears might come through in the birth, and then like how do I handle that? Like I can't, I can't be worried about how he's doing when, when I'm trying to, like you know, deliver this baby, and so that was a big part of it, I think, for me. But yeah, I honestly, like I didn't, I felt more fearful about going to the hospitals, to be honest, like that was probably more for me like, oh my God, if I have to go, like I don't, I don't want to go, I don't want to do that. Um, because I just, I just didn't want to engage with with that. I wanted so. So that that was probably my biggest fear. Like what if I have to go?

Angela:

yeah, so now will you share about how your labor started in this last kind of I shared a little bit about like the weeks leading up to it. But, yeah, like what were like those last few days like and about your labor and birth?

Nicole:

yeah, yeah. So, like I said, I was at our um, at our camp, which is really nice. It's on a on a lake, so I felt like I could just kind of like get myself into like the birthing mindset, which was nice. I wasn't working or seeing clients, so I was able to just like be present and just like sleep when I needed to and kind of like, you know like go for a walk if that's what I wanted to do, or I have a big vegetable garden, so I spent a lot of time canning tomatoes and jams, but it was kind of nice. But I was very, very tired, like exhausted. I would like do things for like half the day and then be like, okay, I'm going to read a book for the rest of the day or take a nap. But yeah, my parents have our campus on my parents' land and they have quite a bit of land, so it was nice to just like walk in nature and with my dog and just kind of spend time with my parents, which was great.

Nicole:

And yeah, the day before I gave birth I had like a ton of energy, but I was everyone's like, oh, it's going to happen, and I was like, no, I've had all this energy before. I've experienced this before. Like he's not coming. I had to put myself in the mindset of like okay, I'm not going to have this baby until like 44 weeks pregnant. Because I was going crazy. I was like, just like, okay, like every time I kept having that prodromal labor. I was like this is it. And then it was like, nope, this is not it.

Nicole:

So the day before I had all this energy, I like went grocery shopping and then I went for like a three or four mile walk with my dog and then my dad and my cousin they had a moose permit and so they ended up harvesting a moose and we do all of like the processing and everything here. So they showed up around like like you know, in the evening hours or whatever, and so we were getting the moose kind of processed and all of that. And I was like I had all this energy and I was like, okay, this is great, like. And then I was like, oh God, I need to go home.

Nicole:

So I went home it was on Wednesday at like 10 o'clock, front and cause they were in late with the moose, and I went to bed and I woke up at two 30 and I had a lot. I went to the bathroom and lost my mucus plug and I was like oh. And then I was like no, don't get excited, nicole, like this could be still weeks out. And so I was like cause I just was so in my head about it, about like, oh, like this can't be it, this can't be it. Like you've been thinking this is it for weeks now.

Angela:

Oh, my gosh Was your husband in Holton at this point, yeah he was in Holton so.

Nicole:

So I wasn't going to call him because I knew it was like 2.30 in the morning and I was like well, we've been down this road sort of before. I was like but I haven't lost my mucus plug, and so I waited and then finally, at three o'clock I called him and I was like hey, just letting you know, I lost my mucus plug. I'm contracting a little bit, but like go back to bed, it's fine. And he was like are you serious right now? He was like what do you want me to do? I was like I don't know. Like last time you came down it was nothing, like we don't want to go down that road, like it could be weeks. And he was like okay, and then so he got. I think he ended up getting up and like had coffee and like did his thing and like packed a bag. And then I called him back at like five and I was like what are you doing? And he's like I feel like I should come down. And I was like yeah, so I was like contracting, but it wasn't like like I was able to go back to bed.

Nicole:

A little later I think I got up and made food, cause I was like starving and I and then, yeah, my husband Jesse got down, um around like seven or eight, I think he had to stop by his office and like grab some stuff and blah, blah, blah. So then he goes down and I was like contracting, but not like you know, it was like early labor. So it wasn't like I was unable to do anything. So I just kind of went about my day. Jesse worked from home and I I like I think I took the dog for a small walk and like I made food and I napped and I read a book which I still haven't finished. I was so close and yeah, and contractions are pretty consistent, but like nothing, I couldn't really manage for most of the day. But and again I was like, oh, it could be, could not? I was still in such denial because I was like I've been here before, like I've had contractions like this, and I was like it's just, you know, it's not happening, there's no way.

Angela:

You're going to be pregnant forever, right?

Nicole:

Yeah Right, I'm going to be pregnant forever. Like baby's never coming, he's just going to live in my body. Um, so then I think and it was kind of cool because we're by the water, so, like you know, I was like contracting and so like I'd go and like hang out by the lake and like it was like beautiful, like that part of it was like how cool is this? Like I get to, like you know, put my feet in the water and like I was like in kind of like a spiritual. That's when I started realizing I that I was more in labor, like I kind of went into this more spiritual realm. Like I said, I do, I practice, like I'm a Reiki practitioner, so like all that spiritual realm was kind of like coming through and I was, I remember, standing down by the water with my feet in the water and just like soaking up like the the water energy and the wind, and I was like, oh, maybe I am really into labor, like I'm starting to kind of like go somewhere else.

Nicole:

So, yeah, around like I think six or seven, the contraction started getting um six or seven. At night the contraction started getting more intense. Like I was kind of needing to move around more when it was happening. And I remember my husband cooked some dinner and I ate like one bite and I was like, nope, I remember trying to sit down at the table and I just like like shot up when I had a contraction and I was like, okay, like things are getting more intense now. But I was still kind of in denial, which is weird, I don't, I don't know, I just was like not there.

Nicole:

So let's see, yeah, we started. I was kind of chilly, so we started like a fire in the fireplace, which was kind of cool. And then my husband I was like you know what, we'll go get some sleep. You know I don't need you yet. Just, you've been up since three as well Like go take a nap or whatever. So he went to bed at like eight o'clock and it was dark out and I was in front of the fire and like things were kicking in.

Nicole:

Like I was on my birth ball. I was just, like you know, like moaning, like really unable to kind of like control anything at that point, and I was just like succumbing to it. Like it was like I could feel the contractions but I was like, okay, like I was breathing through them and it felt good. And so I labored like in the living room in front of the fireplace for a while and my dog was in there and she was kind of just like watching over me sleeping and my husband was trying to sleep I don't know if he actually slept, probably not and then, yeah, so I labored in there for like a couple hours and then I got to the point again where I was like I started like needing to move and so I was like pacing around the kitchen like anytime there was contraction, like I couldn't be on the birth ball anymore, like it was too much to just like stay in one position, like I needed to move.

Nicole:

So I was like walking around and like holding onto the kitchen countertop and all I kept thinking was, like I remember being like okay, like breathe your baby down, like you know trying not to. You know have like high pitched, like you know yelling, like trying to keep things low and like breathe, and at that point I was totally able to do all of that which was awesome.

Nicole:

So around 11, we had bought this like jacuzzi hot tub thing from Martin's that they had recently, and so that was set up outside and I was like convinced that was where I wanted to birth, like under the stars and like the lake sounds, and like it was like this is gonna be amazing. So around 11 o'clock I woke my husband up. I was like okay, I need you. Like why don't we like I'm going to go out into the hot tub? And he was like okay, and I was in there for like 10 minutes and I was like nope, get me out of this place. I just like couldn't handle it and for some reason I never expected this to be like part of my thing. I was like I am not birthing in a bathtub, like that's not happening. But I got out of that hot tub and immediately walked upstairs into the bathroom and started filling the tub and I was like I was like I never expected to do that, but then I kept like getting in and out of it. It was more like I would like stand in it, but at that point like contractions were getting pretty, pretty painful, like I was definitely in, like you know, moving towards transition probably, and so I was like pacing around and, like you know, just like really struggling, like still still breathing through everything, but like struggling to do so, and my husband was there, so I probably paced around for like an hour or so. I'm trying to think it's so hard. Time was like you know, you just don't really know Like I'm going off of what, what Jesse said too, oh, and then I started having like like crazy amounts of diarrhea, and so that was like another sign.

Nicole:

I was like okay, and then I was puking as well. So that was all happening at the same time. So that was fun. I know my poor husband, but he was amazing, he thought he was, you know, with me. At that point I just remember being like I'm so sorry, you're seeing me poop, and he was like it's okay. So that was a good bonding moment, I think. Yeah, and so that was happening. And then I was still like in and out of the tub and then finally I started just standing in the tub because I started, like you know, expelling a little bit of blood and.

Nicole:

I'm still like I'm not in denial, like I realized I'm in labor, but I was like finally, like oh, I think this is actually happening, like I'm actually going to have this baby, and it was cool Like I could feel, I could start to feel him like descending down, and that was wild. I was like this is so cool, but it was like I was in another world, but I could also like feel it happening and that was amazing. And so I'm standing in the tub and we just a little bit of water in there, for we realized our water, like our water heater, stopped working for some reason between the hours of like midnight and like five. I don't, I don't know. It was a weird setting. So like the water was cold but I was so hot, so it felt really good. But I was just standing in the tub and kind of bleeding a little bit and then like my body just started like like pushing and I was like holy cow, like I.

Nicole:

I was not expecting like the intensity.

Nicole:

It felt like like a freight train or something, like it was wild, but like it was, it was definitely painful, like painful, like I've never experienced anything like it, but at the same time it was also like.

Nicole:

It also felt like it was something I've done a million times before, which must spend my spiritual side, like other lives or whatever. I was like, oh, I've done this before. I was like I've done this and that was the time I had, um, to bring in the spiritual side, and that was the time I had to bring in the spiritual side. I had like I kept having this vision of like a, a bear, like a grizzly bear, which was really kind of cool. And then and then all these women were like which, who must be like ancestors or whatever, were like surrounding me and like holding me with like light and touching me, and I was like this is so wild. So it's like, yeah, so it's like that's going on in one realm of my brain and then the other realm is like firmly rooted, knowing I'm in the bathtub, like gripping onto my husband.

Nicole:

It was such a crazy experience but so cool, yeah. So I'm standing there and I start using Jesse for support. Like every contraction that's and that's happening, that's getting more intense, like I'm just like gripping onto him and kind of like standing up and then squatting at the same time in a weird like way. But I was not like breathing through my contractions and every time I come out of it it'd be like Jesse, you need to help me breathe, I'm just yelling, I'm just yelling. And so anytime they would come, he'd be like a breathe, babe, breathe. But like I just wasn't and it's fine, but for some reason in my head I was like I need to breathe, breathe this baby down. And so, yeah, I feel like that.

Nicole:

I don't really know how long that lasted, but it was like minute, minute long contractions and then maybe like a 30 second rest and the best part, I have to share all of this, my husband's going to kill me. But he he doesn't really have a weak stomach, but like he was not feeling well, so, like some, like a couple of times he would be like I just need to run downstairs real quick and I'd be like, okay, and it turns out he was throwing up. So I just have to share that, so the world knows. Um, so that was happening. But he would always come back up and hold me and help me through it.

Nicole:

And then I started feeling like the baby was really, really low. I was like, okay, like he is, he is like in my pelvic area, like he's down here. I'm feeling this push. So I yeah, so I think I got down on my hands and knees at that point, I can't remember, but either way, I could feel his head like emerging and then it would go back in, like you know, so like, and that happened like four or five times and I remember just being like like, oh, okay, like I really am doing this, like Holy cow, like I'm having a baby.

Angela:

So were you in the tub or were you on, like next to the tub right now?

Nicole:

I was on the in the tub at that point. I was either standing or on all fours, I can't remember, but our tub, I realized, is really narrow, so like I couldn't get my legs out as much as I wanted, but it doesn't matter, but it was kind of like annoying, so yeah, so I would contract and I like feel his head kind of come in, come out, and then it would go back in and that happened like four or five times and I remember just being like okay, like that's okay, like he's just stretching everything out. And I also remember being like, oh, I like I thought I would have that moment when I hit, like I can't do this, like when women are like oh you're, you know, that's when you know. And that never really happened for me. So like I was like shocked when I started feeling his head, like oh, oh, like he was really coming, and so I felt his head. Finally I could. It was like not completely out, but it was like sitting there and I reached down and I felt it and I was like I don't, I don't know if that's a head, jesse, like I don't know what that is Like, like I'm like well, and then I remember saying it doesn't matter what it is, cause it's coming out Like, like whatever body part it is, like it doesn't matter. Um, it just felt really soft to me for some reason and I was like, oh, maybe it's a butt, like I don, like he's going to miss this, like it was so funny, so I'm.

Nicole:

So his head comes out and then Jesse gets done vomiting and he looks and he's like he's like no, it's a head, it's a head. And I was like, okay, so my son's head was just out, for it didn't feel that long, but Jesse said it was like five minutes and I didn't. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but I didn't push until. I was just kind of waiting until I had another contraction, and so I had my hand on his head and I could feel his little body rotate and I was like that is so cool. I was like I remember hearing about this and I was like oh my God. And so he rotated and one big contraction and he came out and I caught him which was amazing and brought him up to my chest and kind of was like kneeling in the tub at that point, cause I was, I think, still on my hands and knees. Yeah, I was on my hands and knees when I birthed them and then I just kind of like sat up and he was kind of making some gurgling noises, but he was okay, and he came around and he was like a good color, and then he did a few cries and then he's looking at us and it was just, it was insane. I was like, oh my God, we birthed a baby. It was wild. I was like, oh my God, we birthed a baby. It was wild.

Nicole:

And we also at that point I realized I had wanted to record the whole thing and we didn't. We totally forgot to record anything. So I was like Jesse take a photo. So he got some, a couple of good photos, which was nice once he was born, but we didn't get anything recorded, but that's okay.

Nicole:

And so we just kind of stood there for a minute and then I was like, oh, I should probably, um, like I had it in my head, I wanted, I really wanted my placenta to come out, like immediately, I think. I just was like I just wanted to be done, like I just wanted to be done, um, and of course that's not how that happened. So I ended up calling Anna and woke her up and I was like hey, and she's like Hi. I was like, so I had a baby. And she's like what? She's like oh, my God. And I was like, yep, so we're, we're here. Um, I was she's like, well, where are you? And I was like I'm in the tub and, um, I was like I want my placenta to come out. And she's like, okay, she's like you need to go sit somewhere comfortable, go relax, just soak it up for a minute. It'll come when it's ready. You just had your baby. And so we went downstairs and I'm just still bleeding. I mean, I didn't realize how bloody birth was, I guess. So I'm still bleeding.

Nicole:

My husband's amazing just kind of following along and cleaning things up as we're going, but we get settled on the couch. Oh yeah, I forgot, my dog also was like absent for most of the labor, but then, within a minute of my son being born, she like came upstairs and immediately wanted to like check out what was going on. And I was like, how cool is that? It was like her animal instincts, right, like she just knew like okay, now that the baby's here, I'll come check it out. It was amazing. She was so good.

Nicole:

So we went and sat down on the couch for a little bit and I'm just like looking at my baby. I'm like this is crazy, um, and I was feeling good, I was exhausted. Um, we decided to, I think I went, I think I sat there for like a half hour, an hour, and then I was like all right, I'm going to like see if I can try to get the placenta out. So I tried to like squatting, like put a bowl in the toilet and like squatting and trying to like gently pull a little bit and like nothing was happening. And I was kind of frustrated and I called Anna again. I don't know why.

Nicole:

I just like had it in my head that the placenta needed to come out like within an hour, and so did my husband, and so his fears around, like hemorrhaging and things were like coming out, so his fears were like making it worse for me too, because I was like, yeah, you're right, like we need to get this out, we need to get this out. And she was like go lay down in bed, like relax for a little bit, like it's okay, see if you can get him. You know, get your baby to kind of like, you know, just keep them on your chest and the cord was a little short so like I couldn't quite bring him up as far as I wanted. So it was kind of just like resting on my on my belly and he was just looking at us, which was very cool. So we put a bunch of Chuck's pads on the bed and laid down and then, like another hour or two goes by and I was like, okay, I got to try again, Like this needs to come out. So I went and like I was trying to like, really tug, like not to hurt myself, but enough to like, and it still wasn't happening. So I called Anna again.

Nicole:

This poor woman got no sleep either. And as I'm talking to her, she's like what are, what are your fears around this? And I was like I just don't want to like hemorrhage or I just don't want to like, I just want it out, I want to be done. I'm like over, I'm just over having this inside me. Like I want, you know, I want it out. And as I'm talking to her, I was like all of a sudden a huge contraction happened and the placenta just flew out on top of the bed and I was like it was wild. And she was like I was so glad she was on the phone and then. So out came the placenta, and the out came like a really big blood clot too.

Nicole:

And I got like cause I was trying to like get out of the bed when I felt the contraction and I just didn't make it and so, but then I was standing on the floor and I was like, holy shit, I'm going to pass out, like I was. So I just felt so weak and so, and luckily Anna was on the phone, which I think was helpful for Jesse too, because that was one of Jesse's fears for some reason was about me passing out. And then he's like I don't know what to do if, like, you're unconscious, even though he does, but like he just was nervous. So luckily Anna was on the phone and she's like, okay, like hand your baby to Jesse, like get on, like get her feet up. And so I just laid back on the bed and then, once I was horizontal and had my feet up, like I felt a thousand times better, and so I I didn't end up passing out, but I just it was just like a lot, and I was, I was still bleeding, you know, I was just like sitting in, like blood just coming out. But I stayed on the phone with Anna for a while and Jesse's just like cleaning everything up and just making sure everything's good.

Nicole:

I think at that point it had been like four hours since the birth. So we ended up cutting the cord. So I was like it's, like I'm like I'm ready, I'm done. Everything's cold, like let's, and I'm laying next to my placenta. At this point I'm like okay, like let's be done. So we cut the cord and clamped and did all that and that was awesome. And it was pretty cool to see the placenta and be like wow, this was like amazing, like it. Actually, you know, this is what sustained my baby for all this time. So we yes, I was feeling okay, I think, yeah, we cut the cord, jesse got rid of the placenta.

Nicole:

I wanted to shower so bad and I I attempted to go back upstairs and take a shower, but I could not get up the stairs. I was like I'm going to pass out again, and so Jesse just brought me into the bathroom and just gave me a sponge bath, basically, cause I was just like there was just blood, and so he bathed me, which was amazing. I was so grateful, it was wonderful, and he's like I'm still bleeding everywhere. So he was like following me around with like a Swiffer, because the dog was like trying to get the blood, so he's like trying to manage all of that. So he got me cleaned up and then we laid back down in bed and I just laid with baby on my chest and we all fell asleep for a while, which was awesome, and I think we woke up a couple hours later, or maybe an hour, I don't even know.

Nicole:

Um, and yeah, it was cool, it was amazing. Um, we had let some people know um, like our parents know, I think we had texted them at like when we had him at like. Yeah, cause he was born at like one, 55 in the morning. So I was in labor for I guess like 23, 24 hours technically, I guess, when you think about it. Yeah, so we did that and we just kind of recovered and I was able to shower, I think like a day later. I just like couldn't get up those, those stairs, but yeah, it was amazing, it was just so, so cool, so cool.

Angela:

Wow, oh my gosh. So when did you have like, were you eating and stuff after birth? Is that helping you sort of feel a little bit better?

Nicole:

Yes, I did eat. I had, um, some uh brought like homemade chicken broth, um, and so I I ate a bunch of that. And then I think I had Jesse make me a smoothie and I felt like I was still losing some blood. So I was like you're going to have to make me like a little bit of a placenta smoothie. And so I totally had a little bit of placenta and, um, I think like avocados and like I don't know. I don't know what he put in it, but it was delicious and it immediately helped. Like I felt so much better and so that that was interesting, cause I know I had heard that before Like if you're not that I was hemorrhaging, but just, you know, lost a lot because it's normal, and so, yeah, so I was. I was like, well, we'll just throw in a smoothie. So that was great.

Nicole:

And then my parents, I think, came over around noontime and they had brought like a homemade moose stew and that tasted so good. I know like how very mean of us, but it was awesome. It tasted so good and I was able to just feel nourished. Like that was a big part of my whole postpartum too was like nourishing. I had read the essential art of nourishing the new mother book, and I had given that to my mom because it had a zillion recipes in it and I was like please make all this. And so she had made a whole bunch of stuff and froze it.

Nicole:

So like I've just been like eating and nourishing myself and it's that was a big part of what I knew I wanted to do. But like it was just so amazing to like know that I birthed at home and I didn't have to have like I caught my own baby, which was wild, and like just be able to go back into my own bed and not have to like be woken up and not have to be pricked with needles or have him pricked with needles or like like anything. It was just, it was wild and we did weigh him, but we didn't have a great scale. Uh, we just had like an old school scale you step on with like a dial. So like he was around seven pounds we're not entirely sure. But whatever, yeah, not that important, right? Yeah, I was like it doesn't matter, he's healthy and fine.

Angela:

So oh my gosh, so it. So he's one week old today, or one week old yesterday.

Nicole:

Yesterday, it's wild yeah.

Angela:

Oh my gosh. So you've just been hanging out enjoying the fall colors, eating the nourishing food from your mom and just bringing up all the new baby snuggles.

Nicole:

Yeah, that's what we've been doing. We've been, we've been just kind of navigating and learning breastfeeding. Um, that was a bit of I mean, I'm so, I'm just I thought it would be more intuitive, but like it didn't feel that way for me. And so my, my cousin, jamie, um, she's had three children and her newest is 13 weeks old, and so she came over. She was a godsend, like she came over, like every day and it's just been like helping us figure, figure it all out, and it's been, it's been amazing she, I don't think I could have done it without her. I was so happy to have her help. So we've been navigating, breastfeeding and just like, yeah, like, like, looking out at the lake and when it's nice and sunny, you know, trying to get my cause.

Nicole:

I, my mental health is so like, and like the outdoors is imperative for me. So, like I don't know, and I'm like, okay, I cannot sit on this couch anymore, like let's go sit in a chair outside. And so, just like, listening to my body and yeah, eating nourishing foods, lots of like broth based soups and stews and oatmeal and quinoas, and like I ha, it's funny, cause I ate so many vegetables my whole pregnancy and I'm like not really wanting anything but soups, like there's vegetables in it. Like my husband was like you want a salad? I was like, oh, that sounds horrible. I'm just wanting like those warm, kind of nourishing meals. And yeah, we, so we've been getting outside when, when we can, and um, which has been nice, and like I've been able to, the past couple of days, been able to go for like smaller walk.

Nicole:

I had a lot of like you know, I mean I gave birth so like it was just walking was kind of uncomfortable for a little bit, but I'm like amazed at how fast my body is healing too Like it's. It's wild to me how quickly that happens. I'm like, wow, it's only been a week and like, definitely, you know, not back to my normal self and nor do I want to be like just trying to like accept that this is where we're at and like, yeah, some days like we are going to spend like a couple like six hours sitting on the couch just skin to skin when nursing and watching TV, or you know, maybe we'll get up like and that's because I'm like a doer, I like to do things, and so that's been kind of my practice is like just letting go of like anything I feel like I want to do during the day. Like yesterday I was like, oh yeah, I really want to like do X, y and Z, and then I was like, yeah, no, this isn't happening, I'm too tired, and so that's kind of been.

Nicole:

My work is like it's okay if we just lay on the couch and snuggle all day and um, but it is an adjustment. He's been. He slept pretty good until last night and then he was up like every hour. So we're just kind of navigating day by day and figuring all of it out and getting outside when we can and seeing the lake, and yeah, it's been a really cool time. I'm still like in awe of it. Every time I think about it I'm like, oh my God, like I birthed my baby at home. It's wild.

Angela:

It's wild, yeah, claiming that full power you know in those moments is is really really so unique and you only get a few you know opportunities to have moments like that in your life. You know, and yeah, yeah, it sometimes gets stolen you know from women, when you know you're in the hospital or even if you have, like you know, the home birth, midwife, obstetric model kind of in your home, it can be like someone telling you what to do and kind of taking some of that power from you. And it's like when you did it all on your own your pregnancy, you, you know you chose what you wanted and to the whole thing on your own and and claim that full power.

Nicole:

Yeah, totally yeah, it was totally special and that's, I think it gave me so much like, like. I think if I had somebody else here, I wouldn't have felt as comfortable to like make all the noises I was doing and like do the things Like. I just felt like I was so free to just like like labor the way I needed to. You know, whether that was like holding my husband and crying or like you know like, or leaning against the bed or like the bathtub, I could just do it without and just putting all of that trust in my body and to just be like. Yeah, maybe you haven't done this in this lifetime, but you've been here a million times before and your body knows what to do. And it's wild, it's just wild, it's so cool and I don't think I would have gotten that experience in the hospital.

Nicole:

I'm not I I'm more of like a private person and I just I think, with the bright lights and like you know, strangers essentially kind of you know well-intentioned strangers, but like I just I don't think it wouldn't have been a good fit for me at all. This was just so much more empowering and just just amazing. It just was such an amazing option and I'm so grateful that I like learned about it, because I I don't I think my birth experience would have been so different and, like my, my mom, when she had me, she had a really traumatic birth. I was born like two months early and so I was in, like you know, the NICU and like she just had a really, really hard time, and so it also feels like I'm like like reclaiming birth, like okay, like we got like she had this horrible experience, you know, and um, and now I get to like have this blissful, amazing, empowering experience and it's just so, it's so cool. I'm still obviously so jazzed up about it but as you should be.

Angela:

Oh my gosh, nicole, this is seriously so incredible. I love hearing that, and that must've been so special for your mom to to witness right there Like you guys are all on the same property and that's so special.

Nicole:

Yeah, it was very cool. Yeah, she was pretty excited about it for sure. And yeah, and I probably should mention like we kind of like we kind of kept it a secret that we were free birthing. We like told people we had like a midwife, which was easier than explaining like what you know what Anna does, and there was the option that Anna could be there if we wanted her. But yeah, we kind of were just like yeah, we're just having a midwife and a home birth. My parents knew that there was a potential and I think Jesse's parents by the end knew that we were going to do it on our own. At that point, but I just was trying to avoid like judgment or or criticism, because I think a lot of people's fears can get in the way. Um, and I just didn't really want that. Like I didn't want people's fears in my own birth space or head or whatever, and so we just kind of really didn't share with people.

Nicole:

But now I'm like shouting from the rooftops now that everybody's safe and happy and healthy, and maybe part of that was like my own fear too, of being like, well, if I tell people I'm doing this and something does go wrong, then like they're all, they're all right, you know. And so I think that was part of it too, but but everything went well.

Angela:

So yeah, there's nothing wrong with protecting your own mental space, especially when you're pregnant and you know, going through your own experience, everybody has their own experience and, yeah, whatever you choose to share, nobody has the rights to your birth plans or your due dates. Oh my God.

Nicole:

Birthing in the fall sometime. I know I wish I wish I hadn't told people due dates, because the amount of text messages from very well-intentioned people I was like, oh my gosh. Like I'm like, nope, still pregnant. They're like, oh, it must be uncomfortable.

Angela:

Yeah, definitely is like I'm ready yeah, that doesn't make it any easier. No, it doesn't. Oh my goodness, wow. Well, as a final question, I always ask if you were to give advice to expecting parents, or even new parents, what would be the biggest thing you'd want to share?

Nicole:

That's a good question, since I'm such a new parent myself, I think, for, like the expecting parents, just trusting your body, like trust yourself, like if if you know, no matter which model, you know, if you're engaged in the medical model or having a home birth or whatever like trust yourself, like if it feels icky and weird and uncomfortable, like if a doctor or somebody is suggesting something, then then trust that and I think that's you know. It's so important to just do what feels right, like this is your body, this is your baby, this is your birth. Like just because somebody is saying like, oh, you need to do this, or they're, you know a quote unquote expert in the field yes, that holds some weight, but so did so do you like you know yourself, you know your body, you know your baby? Like trust that? That would be my suggestion for expecting parents and new parents. Man, I don't know, I'm only a week into this, so I think. I think maybe it's along the same lines of just listening to your body and nourishing Like I I'm so grateful for all the good foods, and like just I think nourishment has helped me to heal so so much quicker, I guess, than I anticipated.

Nicole:

And also, and also like, if you're a new parent and you had a hospital birth or your birth didn't go the way you want, and like it's really like know that that is like this is my therapist brain talking, but like knowing that that is trauma and you're also trying to hold on to a new life and you just went through a traumatic experience and so giving yourself grace with that. I think that's where a lot of postpartum can come into, because you've just experienced like this horrendous, potentially, you know, maybe not, but whatever you know, trauma looks different in all forms. And so just reminding yourselves, you know, to be gentle and that like, yeah, that's just hard and tough and and it's, it's okay to reach out for help. And yeah, just knowing, just trusting, trusting yourself and knowing that it's okay to reach out for help. And yeah, just knowing, just trusting yourself and knowing that it's okay. Yeah, if you're not feeling great, then that's it's okay and reach out for help, absolutely.

Angela:

Yes, well, this has been incredible. Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today. It's just been such an honor to hear your story.

Nicole:

Yeah, you're welcome, thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to just share so.

Angela:

And that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth podcast. Thank you for joining me and listening. If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages. I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide. I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms. It's called 37 questions to ask your care provider, whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers. This is for you. Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for. So go grab that. It's at mymainbirthcom slash download. Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.