MyMaine Birth
MyMaine Birth is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to Birth Center Births, and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you are a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
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MyMaine Birth
106. The Power of Visualization, Katie's two EMMC Bangor, Maine Birth Stories
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Are you a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth? You’re in the right place!
In this episode, we discuss:
- Two EMMC Bangor, Maine Birth Stories
- The importance of Trusting your Intuition
- Last minute change in birth plans for her second birth due to HELLP Syndrome
- Why everyone's birth choices should be respected
- ….and a whole lot more!
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Not sure where to start? I’ve got you covered! Check out my FREE resource, 37 Questions to Ask Your Care Provider. Whether you’re interviewing new providers or have already established care, this FREE resource offers guidance on important topics to discuss with your provider.
And when I got there I was about four and they were like we're going to start to break your water. I was like, ok, so can I get a yoga ball? And like, so I can kind of bounce around. And they were like, well, actually, because of the help syndrome, we have to put you on magnesium and because you're on magnesium, you can't get out of bed. And it's like magnesium is not going to like. And they were like, oh it will. And boy were they right. Magnesium's not going to like. And they were like, oh it will. And boy were they right.
Kate:I didn't realize the effect that that could have on you. So I was like, oh great, so now I have to ride out these very intense contractions without being able to move my body. Like I did my first, you know, my first labor to deal with it, and that was kind of you know how I did deal with it. It was moving my positions. So I felt like I was going to be kind of helpless. And it was very, another very scary moment, like, okay, so what am I going to do? These contractions are going to be worse. I know they are and they were, but I felt like the nurses were really good, like okay, well, you know we'll help move you. And like we'll, we'll be right here to help. And, um, I, my husband's like I swear every time they came in they jacked up your pictosan because my contractions got very strong very fast and they were so long and so strong Like I don't feel like any contraction.
Kate:I had my whole first labor, compared at all to my second labor, and I had been laboring I think it was at this point it was 11 o'clock. So I was like somebody needs to check me because I I've got to have made some progress, I need to hear that I've made progress. And the nurse checked me and she's like, oh great, you're at five centimeters. And I remember just feeling so defeated. And the nurse checked me and she's like, oh great, you're at five centimeters. And I remember just feeling so defeated and I was like I have only dilated one centimeter with all of these super strong contractions. Like, oh my God, what am I going to do? And so I had read Ina May's guide to childbirth and it talks about the power of this visualization and using your brain and like I cannot say enough how wonderful that approach is and I like in my mind I didn't say anything to anybody, but in my mind I was.
Kate:I was like, okay, every contraction, I am focusing on the word open. I'm visualizing my cervix opening and the sounds that came out of me. But it was that you know that deep guttural that they tell you will help. So I would. I would have the start of a contraction. It's the only way I could make it through it, as I would just say open, but it sounded like a demon, but it was, you know, low guttural and I just visualized it and I just kept saying open in my head. And 45 minutes later I said you need to check me again. And the nurse is like, okay, I'll check you again. And she checked me and she's like I'm just going to step out for a second. And like she went out and she was like waving the doctor in who had gone. She had gone to do something else for somebody else somewhere in the hospital and she walked in. She's like, oh, I hear we're ready to push her at 10 centimeters. And I was like, thank the Lord.
Angela:I'm Angela and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced doula, childbirth educator and your host here on the my Maine Birth podcast. This is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine, from our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births. Every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome back. You're listening to episode 106 of the my Main Birth podcast. Today's birth story guest is Katie, and she's here to share about her two birth stories at Eastern Maine Medical Center in Bangor. Hi, katie, welcome to my Main Birth. Hi, will you start by sharing a little bit about you and your family?
Kate:Sure, so I have two little girls. One was born in 2020 and one was born in 2023. So they're four and a little over a year, and my husband also. We've been together for like 16 years now, I guess, and we're just. You know, we've been living in Maine. My husband's from Vinyl Haven, so he's an island boy and I'm from Washington County, so I'm way down east and we like all of the coastal things.
Angela:Amazing. Yes, it's so beautiful. Love it here. Yeah, vacation land.
Kate:A place like home.
Angela:Yeah, now to get into your birth stories a little bit. Will you start by sharing how you found out you were pregnant for the first time and what your thoughts were in choosing your care?
Kate:So the first time, with my first pregnancy, I actually found out on my husband's birthday. It was January 10th of 2020. And we had actually had a loss before that, and so we were very excited to find out that I was pregnant again. And I don't know, I think it was like super early in the morning. I was like I'm just going to take a test, just you know, because I was hoping, and I took it and I was so excited. I just like ran in and I showed my husband the test and he was like groggy and asleep and he was like so excited. I was like happy birthday.
Kate:And I, I don't know I the reason I chose the doctor that I did, even though he was an hour away from me, is because both of my sisters had gone through him and my older sister had a lot of fertility issues and he was just very compassionate with his care with her. So I decided to go with him and he was amazing. I was Dr Smith and he was. He was just funny. He had great bedside manner. So I was. I was pretty okay with the whole idea of like a hospital birth. His office had recommended to me a hypnobirthing class that I took. They were very I don't know just supportive of everything and they were also who I went through when I had my loss and they were so compassionate and it was just. It was a good fit. Unfortunately, he retired before I found out I was pregnant with my second, so it was a very different. It was kind of a panic, like where do I go?
Angela:Yeah, For your second. So did you. Were you able to keep your care with him throughout your pregnancy with your first? How was that kind of pregnancy looking?
Kate:Very healthy. I tell people all the time it was. It was not a normal pregnancy. I don't think I felt superhuman, like I don't know what was going on. I had no aches, no pains. I typically have knee pain and joint pain. That it was just on. I had no aches, no pains. I typically have knee pain and joint pain. That it was just on. My entire first pregnancy I was working out three times a week. I worked out the day before I had her. You know it was. It was amazing. I felt wonderful. I had no health issues, nothing at all. So it was. It was a great experience. I loved being pregnant.
Angela:Oh, that's amazing. Yeah, it is an incredible time, for sure, and it's so interesting how it affects all of us so differently too.
Kate:I said it set me up for failure because my second pregnancy I didn't have that superhuman quality. So I just felt normal and I was like, what is this? This is not great, it was a letdown. Letdown yeah, it's okay, though. It worked out. Um, you know it was pretty healthy.
Angela:Um the second time around too, up until it wasn't't tell me about the last final weeks and then days leading up to your labor and birth the first time around.
Kate:So we kind of were shuffling houses, it. It was kind of it was like a culmination of things. My parents were getting a new house and my older sister wanted to move closer to home. So she did. She wanted, she didn't want to live in our childhood home. So we kind of shuffled houses and I she and her husband helped pack up my house and we moved all of my stuff in with my parents while we were waiting for their house to be built.
Kate:Unfortunately, with all of the COVID restrictions waiting for their house to be built, unfortunately, with all of the COVID restrictions, it kind of pushed our timelines. So we were all supposed to be in our own homes but I was sharing a home with my parents again and my husband has a business out on Vinyl Haven so he had actually come over here to be on the mainland with us up the. It was for like two, two weeks. So I had gone to the doctors after I'd been training with my personal trainer and they said, oh, there's no change since last week. And I was like, oh man, I guess maybe maybe you could go back and get some work done like there's no change. So I'm probably good, and my due date wasn't for another week or so. I thinking back now like that was so stupid of me, but I was just like you'll be fine, go ahead.
Kate:And at about uh, I think it was like four, 20 ish in the morning I had my first contraction and I'd kind of had the Braxton Hicks type stuff going on off and on for a few weeks. So it wasn't really concerning to me, but I I text my husband just to let him know, because the first boat leaves at like 7.00 AM and I was like I don't know if you still want to go, but just letting you know what's going on. And he was like well, do you want me to come back? And I was like no, it's fine, it's a first labor Like this could last, you know, for a day or two, I don't know. I think you're good, go ahead and go.
Kate:My husband, knowing better, text my mom and he's like can you just go check on her? And so she came in and she was like maybe you should. Just, you know time your contractions. And so I did and they were five minutes apart pretty consistently, and I was like but they're not, they're not long and strong, they're only like 30 seconds right now. So I don't think this is real labor.
Kate:And she told my husband she's like I think maybe you better just come back. So he did, and he got there at like 10 o'clock in the morning and so he, uh, he was like, do you think we should go? And I was like I don't know, I still don't feel like this is real labor, like it's just slightly uncomfortable, a little bit like period cramps. And he's like why don't you just call Dr Smith's office and just see what they say? And they told me to come in and get checked and we live an hour away from there. So we, you know, we we got in the car and we brought our bag. And even my dad said, as we were driving away, he's like you're not having a baby today, you're way too calm. And I got to the hospital and I was seven centimeters dilated and they were like you're definitely having a baby today. So that was kind of just how it led up.
Kate:So you, didn't have to go into his office, you just kind of went straight to the hospital, yep that's what they they recommended, just because they were like, how long have you been having contractions that are five minutes apart? And I was like, oh, it's been hours. And they were like, yeah, you better just go right over to labor and delivery. And, um, they had already done all my paperwork and everything. So it was. You know, I basically just had to go and sign my name. That said, I was there and they took me straight up to labor and delivery and I refused the wheelchair at first when I walked in, and then I had another contraction and the the I don't even remember if it was the guy at the door, if it was the nurse just inside. They're like, maybe you should just sit down. And so I did. I listened to them, but, uh, I got upstairs and my water broke as soon as I walked through the door to my suite. So it was time.
Angela:Wow, that's cool, so share about how the rest of that day went. So they checked you when you got in there, Was it they did? They check you after your water broke and saw you were seven centimeters or like was it going in there.
Kate:Yeah, I think that I walked through the door and my water broke and they're like we'll be right in to check you and I. So the other thing was it was, um, so Dr Smith's office alternated weekends with another office and of course it was the weekend that his office wasn't on, so it was the other office that would be delivering and it actually ended up being the doctor that delivered my little sister's son the year prior. So I had met her before in you know that context and it was oh my word, it actually it was a great experience. Really. I really can't complain. I don't think I was.
Kate:Not, I didn't really want to have an IV. I have little veins and I just am not a fan of needles and I was like I don't think I need one and I did feel like I was a little bit pressured into getting one, despite not really wanting one, and I felt like if it had been my office, they would have been much more like no, we're not doing that. Also, I kept a copy of my birth plan in my diaper bag that we brought with us, so, just on the chance that it wasn't my doctor that would deliver us, and I gave it to them pretty much as soon as we walked through the door, or my husband gave it to him, I don't remember which one of us did, but it basically said everything that I you know my wishes and you know I didn't want an epidural, I wanted to do natural childbirth and I didn't want anything to help me along like pitocin. I'd heard horror stories from some of my friends that had had that and yeah, it was, it really was beautiful. I mean, they were like, ok, so you want to walk around, like you know, do what you need to do. They weren't using the tub, which I had really wanted, but because it was COVID, they just didn't do it. So they offered me the shower. But the shower was great, it was a huge shower they had. It was like a stand that the yoga ball went on. So I kind of was in there for a good long time and my husband was giving me counter pressure and he was, you know, like massaging my shoulders. He was such a trooper, he didn't bring a change of clothes, he was soaked from the shower, yeah.
Kate:And then towards the end there I felt like it was forever that I was at like nine and a half centimeters and I continually was actually asking them to check my cervix. I'm like, because I have to be, I have to be done. And finally, when it got to that point, they were like, okay, on this, you know, on this, next time you can push. And they coached me with pushing, but it was so counterintuitive because I had done the hypnobirthing class and the hypnobirthing class really talks about like the fetal ejection reflex and you know, uh, breathing down and like a j movement, and the breathing that they coach you to do is not at all like that and I was having a really hard time getting a rhythm. But I say that and I only pushed for 30 minutes, so it wasn't that bad, but it was uh.
Kate:And also we did, um, we didn't find out if we were having a girl or a boy. So that moment when she was born and uh, dr Kaufman had laid her on my belly and she, her little legs were crossed and her umbilical cord was running up her tummy and me and my husband look at each other. And then we looked at the doctor and we're like, because it said in my birth plan doctor announces and she's just sitting there smiling, completely forgot you know that we had wanted that. She was like oh yeah, it's a girl. And you know I we had wanted that. She was like oh yeah, it's a girl. And you know I cried. I was so happy. I think I would have been happy either way, but I really had been praying for a daughter, so it was a beautiful moment.
Angela:Oh my gosh, that is beautiful. And just all of the you know hormones that are in your body in that moment when you're finding out, versus just like at an ultrasound appointment it just definitely adds to it all.
Kate:We did. I remember crying like I have a daughter.
Angela:Oh, that's so sweet.
Kate:It was. It was really a phenomenal birth experience. I have no complaints, really a phenomenal birth experience. I have no complaints really. And it kind of, you know, the second time around, when I would, I think I would have been fine choosing another hospital birth. But you know, with Dr Smith retiring and all of his staff had gone to the other practice that alternated with them, they weren't accepting new clients and even though I had been Dr Smith's client I couldn't get established care with them and they said, unless I was high risk they wouldn't accept me as a patient. And basically I had heard that that was kind of what was going on in Bangor at the time anyway is that we have such a shortage of healthcare providers for pregnancy that they really weren't accepting anyone there unless they were high risk.
Angela:Yeah, it's still so hard across the whole state. So just to talk for a few more minutes about your first birth experience how was your postpartum time the first time around?
Kate:Well, it was. Uh, I was. I was extremely lucky because, you know, I had my husband here and, even though it wasn't planned, my parents were also here. So I had a lot of support here and my sister lived right next door. My grandmother lives in the same town. Uh, you know it was. I'm very lucky that I have such a connected family.
Kate:I remember the first two weeks being a struggle because I decided to breastfeed and, um, she was having some latch issues and I was working with a lactation consultant and then I actually had in the hospital, had OM for her, the osteopathic manipulation, and it seemed to really help her latch there. So I asked if we could continue that care. And I'm very lucky that there's also a provider that does that a couple of towns over from me. So that was really helping with the latch issues. But I feel like you kind of not the greatest advice If you're planning to breastfeed. They're like, oh, you know, every two to three hours, but I don't feel like that's reality at all. Uh, I was breastfeeding probably 45 minutes every hour and I would have like 15 minute window and then to be at the breast again and that was pretty much around the clock first two weeks, but after that it kind of developed into a you know it was spacing it further out and it was about the two-week mark that she started sleeping for longer periods at night. So all new mothers know how this feels. If you're like I could just get like a solid 20 minutes, I would feel so much better. Plus, you're you know, being a new mom you constantly you just can't, you can't shut it off, you can't shut your brain off, and you're are they okay? And you're looking and checking on them every few minutes.
Kate:And it was like I said, it was about the two week mark is when we kind of had settled into a better rhythm and I was getting more sleep and I I honestly I couldn't tell you I felt like it was sleeping through the night, but it probably wasn't really sleeping through the night. It was just the fact that we were getting blocks and chunks of time at night that I actually got a long stretch of sleep. And yeah, she was super easy baby, though Like she's just you know she was content and because of COVID I had so many downfalls. But I really feel like it was a blessing for me to be pregnant during the pandemic Because, first of all, nobody touched me when I was out in public. Nobody came up and rubbed my belly or anything.
Kate:Um, and I love my family, but also I feel like it was really special to just have me and my husband and her for a good three or four days in the hospital, just us, and kind of found ourselves, you know, as parents already, um, without being constantly interrupted by visitors just because it wasn't allowed so, and I didn't have to explain it to anybody. So there was no guilt on my part and uh, you know, we came home and everybody was so excited. You know, my, my sister has twins and uh, they were super excited that they had a baby cousin now. So it was just, it was a great experience. It was super supportive. The breastfeeding kind of fell in place. It was. I think it was at about four months it was just out of the newborn stage when she finally was able to latch without a nipple shield and she breastfed until she was almost three and she stopped breastfeeding. When I found out that I was pregnant with my second, it was probably two or three months into that pregnancy when she stopped breastfeeding.
Angela:Yeah, that's amazing and that leads right into your second pregnancy. So will you share about how you found out you were pregnant for the second time?
Kate:So I'm a massage therapist and I was actually trading with one of my friends. I was like you know, maybe I'm pregnant. And I was like I'll just take a test before I trade with Michelle today. So I did and I looked at it and you know, I had waited like the I don't know three minutes or whatever, and I was like, oh, that doesn't look positive. And her and I had talked about it because we were both talking about if we wanted more kids and you know that sort of thing. And then, after I'd finished her massage, I had gone back into the bathroom to wash my hands and I looked and I was like that actually looks positive. I was like it's probably an indent line. I'll take another one tomorrow. And so I did and I was pregnant and uh, it was great, it was.
Kate:It was close to April 1st, because I remember talking to my husband and I had told him over the phone and he was like this is not a good April Fool's joke. And I was like I swear, I'm serious. And he was like I don't think you're serious, he goes, I don't think you tell me over the phone like this. And I'm like I am serious, I swear, um. So I had found out that way and we actually had had a trip planned with my family to. We actually had had a trip planned with my family to Disney over April vacation and I am horrible at keeping secrets from my family, but I was very adamant with everybody. We were at Magic Kingdom, it was like our first day there. At the end of the day I was like let's meet and have the photographer take a picture of us in front of the castle and I planned on announcing that we make it to them. Everybody's miserable, we're all hot, sweaty and they're like why are you? Like, oh, do we have to do this picture? And I was like, yes, we're doing this picture. So I told the photographer you know, um, do you mind like telling, like saying it, you know, when you take our picture? And she was, she was all in on this. So I go back over to the group and we're getting these pictures. And she took like 10 pictures before she even said it. And then she was like Leona is going to be a big sister. And then she just rapid fire snapped all these pictures and the recognition you can see like setting in on their faces and the pictures and I just I treasure those pictures so much because I've never kept a secret from my mother or my sister for that long.
Kate:So I was about I think I was six or seven weeks so I announced pretty early I know it's kind of a taboo thing to announce early, A lot of people like to wait until the 12 weeks. But I know when I had my loss that I had said in my mind after I had gone in and they had told me that you know I was in an active miscarriage that I wasn't going to tell anybody and I was just going to deal with it myself because I didn't want to tell anybody. But then I got home and I saw my mom and my grandmother was here and I just broke down crying and having their support was just not that it made it easier, but it was just nice to have the support. And I my husband and I had kind of discussed it and he's like well, what happens if we have another miscarriage? And I was like I would rather them be able to celebrate with me while we can celebrate and then they can support me if it goes wrong. And everybody was so excited. I just love my mom and my older sister and the pictures. They both kind of looked at each other and it was hilarious and my mom said to me, she goes, when the photographer first said that Leona is going to be a big sister, she was like, oh, I wonder if she knows that we have a Leona too. And I was like she was like, and then it set it and so that was just. You know, it was really great and yeah, I so I had decided, um, to go with a provider that was closer to me and she has, like a birth center and she very much super supportive of your choices.
Kate:She's also informative. She wants you to be well aware of what your choices are and I really respected that and I had met her kind of outside of the context of her practice also, and you know, we just really got along and I decided to go to her for my health care. Do you care to share who? That was? Sure, Jarnie Thomas, down, as she runs Women First in Machias and she was actually in the process of moving her practice from one location to another within Machias. So I toured both of her birth suites when she was in the first place and then when they moved to the second place, and I was like this is, this would be a dream to deliver here. And I was super excited and I, you know, I actually was really healthy throughout my pregnancy.
Kate:My last appointment that I had was really healthy throughout my pregnancy. My last appointment that I had was the Monday before Thanksgiving and we had talked because I was, I was due December. I think my December 12th was my due date and she was like so, do you feel like you're going to go into labor? And I was like no, I feel like I'm, you know, I'm good. And she's like so I was going to go visit my parents and it's a few hours away. So I was like no, you're good, Go enjoy your time. And my blood pressure was a little bit elevated but it wasn't anything super alarming.
Kate:And you know, like they checked my urine every week for proteins and there was nothing there, nothing of concern I did have. Uh, it was, they weren't. So I failed my one hour glucose test and she gave me the option to come back for the three hour test or I could monitor my blood sugar and like my food and everything for a couple of weeks. She said you know, I know you have a toddler. She's like it's hard to come sit here for like half a day with a toddler. So if you want to do the food log and the sugar checks, and I just got like um, it was one of, you know, just one of the ones that you can get at Walmart to do a finger stick and it kept a log in my phone. So you know I it really wasn't that hard to keep track of, for it was like two or three weeks and then there were no other concerns after that. It was, you know, I also, morning of my one hour glucose test, I had made donuts, fresh made donuts with glaze, which like powder, sugar, milk and tons of flour, and I had popped a couple of donut holes, not even thinking about my glucose test shortly thereafter. So I was kind of like maybe that's what did it, I don't know. And so, like I said, the Monday before Thanksgiving I had gone, my blood pressure was slightly elevated, but there was also construction, the whole ride down and I feel like that sometimes elevated my blood pressure and, um, like I said, she was like yeah, period, you know you're doing great. I have any concerns with any of you know the tests. You know I'll let you know. All good.
Kate:And then I woke up the next day and I kind of had some discomfort. Looking at you know hindsight, uh, it was right upper quadrant pain. At you know hindsight, uh, it was right up her quadrant pain. But I, you know it was, it wasn't. It wasn't so bad that I was unable to function. I was just kind of uncomfortable and, you know, I went to sleep that night. I woke up the next day it was gone on Wednesday. So I was like, oh, I'm fine.
Kate:Thanksgiving came and we actually had a whale, uh that washed up on shore down here on Pigeon Hill, kind of a big to-do little town. So everybody was going down and we went down and we saw it and we were driving back and I had this like wave of nausea hit me and I had to pull over immediately. And I was, I was throwing up and my mom happened to be coming down to see the whale. So she saw me. She's like are you okay? And I was like, yeah, I think so. I was like, you know, just pregnant and went home. Uh, we made dinner, uh, we ate at my sister's, like we do every year. My in-laws were over here. My mother-in-law had said to me though she's like you didn't seem like yourself. She goes. But I didn't want to say anything because you were pregnant, I didn't want to make you feel bad. So I, I don't know, I was just kind of uncomfortable. But also, you know it's Thanksgiving, a lot going on. I figured it was 38 weeks. You know I'm big on. I figured it was 38 weeks. You know I'm big, I'm I'm going to be uncomfortable.
Kate:And then I went to bed that night and I started getting that right at up quadrant pain again and it just it. It didn't get worse but it stayed the same. I tried you know different positions. I got up, I walked around and it wasn't going away and I it was like a two o'clock in the morning and I don't know I had this little voice in my head that said you really the hospital. And I was like okay, I'm, I've got, I've got to go do this, Uh, uh.
Kate:So I woke my husband up and I said I think we need to go to the hospital and he's like are you in labor? And I was like I don't think I'm in labor, but something's not right. And he was like okay, so what are we gonna do with our daughter Leona? And I was like, okay, um, well, I'll call mom. So I called my mom. She's like, oh my god, are you in labor? I was like, no, I don't think I'm in labor, but can Leona come stay with you? I don't feel right and I'm gonna have Evan take me to the hospital. And, um, she was like, yeah, are you gonna? She's like you should text your uh, Jarnie, and I was like I don't want to bother her, and she was like I really think you should, though, and I was like, oh well, don't want to bother her. She was like I really think you should, though, and I was like, oh well, I'll just see what it is. It's probably just gas. And so we took my daughter to my mom's, I gave her the biggest hug, told her I loved her, and my husband was like should we bring the baby bag? And I was like, yeah, let's just bring it, just in case. I don't think I'm in labor, but you know, you never know. So off we went. We went to Ellsworth, which is like 45 ish minutes away to the hospital from my house, and we got the.
Kate:Magically, there was absolutely nobody else in the ER, which I don't think has ever happened to any human being in the whole planet ever. We walked in and my husband's like okay, I'm going to go park the car. And I said okay, and I went up to the desk and I said I'm 38 weeks pregnant. I said I have this pain going on. I just would like to be seen, just to make myself feel better. And I don't think it took him 20 minutes to get me in and get my blood tested and a urine sample and everything, Like it was super fast and I'm laying there waiting.
Kate:And the doctor came in and she said you are super sick. She said you have severe preeclampsia and and you also have help syndrome and you have to have a baby today. And I was so scared I started crying. My so my mom's cousin had passed away on christmas day when she was. She was a young mother, she was 18 and she had preeclampsia and like that was the voice that was in that the hospital was because of that and I had no idea what help syndrome was. I didn't realize how severe it was. So I texted Jarnie and I said so apparently I'm having a baby today. And I told her what was going on and she was like I'm on my way right now. She also has rights to deliver in Ellsworth. So she was like I'll, I'll be there as soon as I can. And they were like okay, we're going to take you up to labor and delivery. So they took me straight up there.
Kate:I think it was probably like four, thirty or five o'clock in the morning by this time when Jarnie got there and I remember like when she walked into the room, like we both were, I could just tell by her face something wasn't right. And she was like. I said to her first I was like I'm so sorry. She's like why are you sorry? I was like because it's you know, it's you know it's Thanksgiving. And she's like well, no, it's not, it's actually black Friday. So I spent my time with my family and now I'm here for you. And she's like and plus, I'm probably going to be more sorry than you are.
Kate:And, um, we had had many discussions throughout my pregnancy. Uh, I was super scared of having a C-section. My sister had one. She had a really rough recovery. Granted, I know different circumstances. She had an emergency C-section. She delivered at 32 weeks. There are probably a whole host of reasons why she had a rough recovery, but you know, that has been my experience and what I've seen of C-sections, so I did not want one.
Kate:And she said well, no, you can't have a C-section because the probability that you would bleed out is very, very high. So I am not going to be able to deliver you and I'm going to have to send you to Bangor by ambulance. She said we don't have the blood product here If it's not given to you. She said we could get you in blood product here if and to you. She said we could get you in right now and do a c-section. She said, however, um, if things went bad, there's nothing we could do for you. So she's like I'm gonna stay with you and wait for the ambulance and, um, you know we're gonna.
Kate:She said we're gonna check your cervix before you go because we're going to. She said we're going to check your cervix before you go, Cause they're going to want to know how far you are before they induce your labor up there. And I was like wait a second, I've got to be induced. And she was like yeah, which was another one of my fears because the pictosan I had had a friend. She had delivered her first child naturally, and then she was like the second one, I was induced, oh my God. So lots of thoughts swirling in my head at this point and I was super nervous.
Kate:And there had been a nurse there and I remember her She'd started an IV on one side and then she stuck me on the other side with another IV and I was not really paying attention because Jarni and I were talking and I tell you if looks could kill, jarni looked at her and was like excuse me, like so, um, she's like they're gonna thank me and Bangor that you have too, and yeah, so they loaded me up in the ambulance. Geez, it was about six o'clock I think, because it was sunrise, was about six 30, and sunrise happened as I was driving from Ellsworth to Bangor, which is like a half hour ish, maybe a little bit more. And I got to Bangor, mind you, my husband had to follow us, so he gets all this information, and he's like, so do I go to? Do I ride with her? And they were like, well, no, you got to bring the car, cause you guys are going to have to have a way home. And he's like, okay, so he's like going and frantically like trying to get to the car so he can follow the ambulance.
Kate:And they sent the nurse with me, who was a traveler, and, uh, her bedside manner was not the best. I will say that because I looked at her and I said I am really scared. She said, well, probably what will happen when we get there is that they're going to put you and give you a C-section immediately. And I was like, oh my God, and she's like they'll have to put you out because, you know, with the help syndrome and everything, and they're going gonna have to pack you and all that stuff. But you know, that's probably the safest thing to do. And I was like, well, if I'm gonna be unconscious, I said you're the only person here that can advocate for. So, like, this is what I want. I want my child to have an hour of skin contact with my husband. I, you know, because I, because I didn't, I couldn't call him at that point and I'm like you know, I want that. I want delayed cord clamping and like all this stuff.
Kate:And she was. She said to me that delayed cord clamping had no benefit and it was like new age, hippie stuff Basically. She also told me that there was really no benefit and it was like new age, hippie stuff basically. She also told me that there was really no benefit to the golden hour and like just basically anything like. She was like shutting me down hard and I was like I was just I remember being speechless like why are you first of all in labor and delivery and delivering any sort of health care if this is how you're going to treat people? So none of she I, she amped me up. My fear was like so high because I'm like, oh my God, this woman's really not going to advocate for me, like she's not going to respect any of my wishes and I have no way to contact my husband and like what if I don't see him? And what if they do take me in? And you know, my head's just swirling with all this stuff. She was not a great experience.
Angela:And she's also the one that poked you two times and you weren't even expecting it, because she's like Bangor will thank me, trying to like, so like, look good to them.
Kate:Yeah. So like she was probably the only bad part of all of this though I mean considering, I guess she's the only person I think that was not compassionate and caring I will say that I guess the two young men that took me on the ambulance they were so nice and respectful and actually on the on the ride there one of them said do you happen to have your cell phone somewhere? And I was like I don't know. And the nurse was like yeah, it's right here. And she passed it to him and they're like, um, what is your husband's name? And I was like, oh, he's in there. I gave him his real name and they they were able to find him anyway my phone and they called him and they're like you need to slow down.
Angela:He's trying to keep up with the ambulance.
Kate:And they're like, we understand this is like a sensitive situation and but you know you have to drive the speed limit, so but they, they were so nice and, like you know, they were very respectful and calm and like checking my vitals and you know talking respectful and calm and like checking my vitals and you know talking. They were just super soothing and not what you would expect from young men who barely looked old enough to you know drive, let alone be emts. Oh my goodness, oh, that's pretty wonderful and um, so I got to the hospital and I got up to maternity and, thankfully, that nurse left with the ambulance crew and I never saw her again. And from then on, though, my experience considering was significantly better. I wish I could remember all of their names. I had so many people looking in on me. So I got there and they were like, okay, well, what we're going to do is we're going to induce labor. I think I'd been in the room for maybe 15 minutes when people I don't think I had met maybe I had, maybe the doctor had come in. Dr Heber I cannot say enough good things about her. This is my first time ever meeting this woman. She was also pregnant at the time and she is the most calm, cool and collected woman I think I have ever met in my life. She really she was just phenomenal. And the nurses I had I could not speak higher of them. They were wonderful, you know talked me through everything, told me, you know, we're going to induce labor, we're going to use pictosan, we're going to, you know, break your water. Every step of everything that they did, they were explaining it to me and they were just, they were so soothing, I don't know what, like you know their voices, just their mannerisms, walking me through everything.
Kate:I think my husband was in shock this whole second labor because he was just kind of like sitting there in the corner wide eyed and like, because they came in and they said, okay, so you have help syndrome, we're not going to do a C-section, that is not safe. What we're going to do is we're going to induce labor, we're going to use pictosan, which has its risks. But you know you're at a good starting point. I think I was three and a half, four centimeters dilated at that point and I think I was three when I was in Ellsworth when Jarni checked me and then when I got there I was about four. And they were like we're going to start pictosan, break your water. I was like, okay, so can I get a yoga ball? And like so I can kind of bounce around. And they were like, well, actually, because of the help syndrome, we have to put you on magnesium. And because you're on magnesium, you can't get out of bed. And I was like magnesium's not gonna like. And they were like oh, it will. And boy were they right.
Kate:I didn't realize the effect that that could have on you until I don't. I don't even know how to explain it. It's like in those movies where you see people that are like high and things are moving, but it like leaves the colors behind. That's how it felt when I was on magnesium. Like everything just felt. Like if I move my head, it took a minute for my body to catch up with the movement. You know, I just felt it was, it was weird, it was not fun, um, but you know you can't be walking around if you can't, be sure, on your feet. So I also was like, oh great, so now I have to ride out these very intense contractions without being able to move my body.
Kate:Like I did my first you know, my first labor to deal with it. And that was kind of you know how I did deal with it. It was moving my positions. So I felt like I was going to be kind of helpless. And it was very, another, very scary moment, like okay, so what am I going to do? These contractions are going to be worse. So what am I going to do? These contractions are going to be worse? I know they are and they were. But I felt like the nurses were really good, like OK, well, you know, we'll help move you. And like well, we'll be right here to help. And then there was a point I don't know my husband's like. I swear every time they came in they jacked up your pictosan because my contractions got very strong, very fast and they were so long and so strong Like I don't feel like any contraction.
Kate:I had my whole first labor, compared at all to my second labor, and I had been laboring. I think it was at this point it was 11 o'clock. So I was like somebody needs to check me because I've got to have made some progress. I need to hear that I've made progress. And the nurse checked me and she's like, oh great, you're at five centimeters. And I remember just feeling so defeated and I was like I have only dilated one centimeter with all of these super strong contractions. Like, oh my, my god, what am I gonna do?
Kate:And so I had read aina may's guides childbirth and it talks about the power of this visualization and using your brain and like I cannot say enough how wonderful that approach is and I like in my mind I didn't say anything to anybody, but in my mind I was like, okay, every contraction, I am focusing on the word open, I'm visualizing my cervix opening and the sounds that came out of me. But it was that you know that deep guttural that they tell you will help. So I would. I would have the start of a contraction it's the only way I could make it through it as I would just say open. But it sounded like a demon, but it was, you know, low guttural and I just visualized it and I just kept saying open in my head and 45 minutes later I said you need to check me again and the nurse is like okay, I'll check you again.
Kate:And she checked me and she's like I'm just going to step out for a second and like she went out and she was like waving the doctor in who had gone. She had gone to do something else for somebody else somewhere in the hospital and she walked in. She's like, oh, I hear we're ready to push her at 10 centimeters. And I was like thank the Lord she was so calm though, because she's like can you hold back on this contraction? Do you think you cannot push? And I was like that is absolutely not an option for me, but I cannot do that. And she was like, oh, okay, just do what you got to do.
Kate:And so she's breaking down the end of the table and she's just like like, so calm and the end of that contraction. My daughter was born, so she was just like she caught her and was like, oh, great, you have a girl. And that was. You know that. But it was uh, it was super fast. But the visualization piece really is what saved me that second labor. I mean, I used it a little bit the first time, but my contractions built slowly over time and like I don't remember them being as overwhelming and as all consuming as the second time around. That second time around was just that pictosan man, yeah.
Angela:Yeah, pictosan contractions are no joke, but that is incredible. The power, like the power of your mind is so, so amazing and that that's incredible.
Kate:Yeah, yeah that I mean I, I cannot say enough good things about that book in general. I read it my first pregnancy and my second pregnancy, like I was like, oh, you know, I've already done hypnobirthing, I've already done, like I don't need to do it again. But um, I definitely did crack that book open again towards the end of my second pregnancy and I was like, oh yeah, like I remember this stuff, like, oh, what great information, and I think that's another thing that I use. My first pregnancy too is like anytime I was in the car I was listening to positive birth affirmations, like your body can do this, like don't be nervous, and all of those things. And so, you know, I had used that before, but it definitely. I didn't realize how true it was until I was unable to move my body and I had to. Kind of, the only thing I had at my disposal was my mind, and it was. You know, it was, it was the only thing that saved me. And then I feel like everything happened so fast after I had had her.
Kate:But you know, because of the help syndrome, they were worried about me bleeding out. That was another thing. You know, my, my levels uh, what was it? My, my platelet levels were at 60,000 when I was in Ellsworth and they wanted at a hundred thousand if you're going to have a C-section. And then by the time I had delivered, um, they had dropped down to like 30 in that short amount of time.
Kate:So they were really really pretty worried about me bleeding out. So they had given me like an injection and I ended up with two blood transfusions after I delivered. I didn't realize how bad it was until, like, because they were checking my blood every six hours because of the help syndrome, and after my first blood transfusion they came back and they checked and then they came back and they said your platelet levels are still dropping, so I think we're going to do another blood transfusion just to be safe. So they did. And then finally I think it was about 12 hours after birth is when I had turned a corner and my, you know, my blood started looking, started looking better, and my I think it was my liver enzymes were kind of, you know, coming down and wasn't a fan of getting poked all the time. But yeah.
Angela:So how are you feeling during that time after birth, throughout those times when, like were you, did the blood transfusions make you feel better? Were you feeling very depleted prior to them administering that?
Kate:I didn't. I honestly didn't realize how bad it was until the next day because I zoomed like a zoom call or FaceTime or I don't remember which which platform we use, but we used one of those and I called my sister and my mother because I they. So they kept me on labor and delivery for like 24 hours because after I'd had her, because of the magnesium, I had to be on it 24 hours after birth. So I was still there and I couldn't have visitors until they had transferred me over. I was, I looked awful, I was super pale and I I looked like the walking dead. I mean it was awful and I was like the walking dead. I mean it was awful and I was like good Lord, don't let Leona see me like this. But I didn't realize how bad it was until I saw myself, but also I was in bed. I didn't also know how bad the magnesium was until I feel like it was after birth. I don't know if it was because of, you know, the contractions and all of that stuff that I didn't realize like the loopiness that it caused until I had a minute to kind of like focus on myself and the baby and that's when I kind of realized that everything was slow motion and I just didn't feel normal. So I don't know if the magnesium just kind of kept me from realizing how crappy I felt. But after I got transferred, you know, up to maternity and I could walk again on my own and I was able to, you know, kind of move around, I felt so much better. I didn't realize like I felt weak, I guess, kind of walking, after having been in bed for straight 24. Well, it was more than 24 hours, because when I was in Ellsworth I don't think my feet touched the floor until I delivered after that.
Kate:So, and then, you know, we chose to breastfeed again and that was a little bit of a struggle. She really did not want to breastfeed on one side. So I don't, I don't even know why she really still has a strong preference, even to today. But we we also have been. You know she's had osteopathic manipulation too and I feel like that's really made a tremendous difference and she's better about feeding on both sides.
Kate:But it was definitely a struggle in the hospital and she would scream bloody murder If I tried to make her nurse on the side. That she did not like. And it didn't matter what position I held her in If I had her facing one way or the other way. I tried everything, the nurses tried everything, everything. And I even remember the nurse was like I know you really want to go home because, also, I had never left my older daughter ever prior to us going in the hospital and that was also part of the plan of giving birth.
Kate:The birth center with Jarni is that you know, I could deliver and go home that same day and like not really have to leave my daughter and yeah, so she kind of. You know, it was like four days that we were in the hospital and she got to visit the day before we left and she took it better than me actually, because when she, my mom and my grandmother came with her and they're like, okay, we're going to leave, and she's like no, grandmother came with her and they're like okay, we're gonna leave, and she's like, no, I'm gonna stay with mom. And I was like so, uh, when they left, I held it together until she walked out the door, but then I lost it crying.
Angela:I was like, oh, I've got to get home to this baby also can find out all the hormones that you normally even experience on day three.
Kate:Like day three, I think that's all like it was hard and, yeah, the the baby she was nursing and that was another thing. Like my first birth to my second birth is like you know, you, you, absolutely know nothing.
Kate:Not that we it's not like we gain a whole bunch of knowledge, you know but the breastfeeding part was a little bit easier the second time because I kind of knew what to look for. Like I remember being in the hospital with my oldest and pumping and not getting anything. And I went over to the sink and I was like washing the pump parts and I started crying. But I was like trying to do it silently and my husband came over and he hugged me and he's like why are you crying right now? And I was like cause I didn't get anything and I'm not going to be able to do this. And he's like the nurse said that was normal. He's like you need to like calm down, you're going to be fine. And like this is going to pass and you know you're going to be able to do this. And he was right. He's not often right, but he was right this time.
Kate:And it really really matters, yeah and like then, you know, the second time around, you know it was like the first or second day and like I was pumping a lot, like I was getting over an ounce, you know, when I pumped, and I just I felt like a champion because of that. But uh, yeah, they, they were gonna make me were like, well, let you go home If you agree to formula feed. And I was like I don't think that I'm going to do that, but like I'll agree to any terms to get out of here. And then the nurse came in and she saw how much I was pumping and she's like you don't need formula. She's like they just didn't think you were going to be able to pump enough. But if that's how much you're pumping, and I was like that was one side and she's like, yeah, you don't need to, you don't need the formula supplementation. And she's like you're going to be fine.
Angela:And you're like I already need that.
Kate:But thank you. And the postpartum nurses, too, were absolutely phenomenal. Like they were just upbeat and funny and, like you know, they were joking around with me and my husband and they were just super helpful.
Angela:Everybody there was absolutely above and beyond anything I expected for my second time around how the supportive staff can make a pretty horrible and scary experience into one that really isn't so terrible and makes you feel comfortable throughout. It really makes all the difference, right, I mean yeah.
Kate:It really, really the staff is the main part. I remember that was part of what was so discouraging. I think the first time when I was like trying to figure out what I was feeding is, you know I had was hot and cold experiences. I had one nurse that was very like you can do this, and another nurse is like it's not that big a deal if you can't, like I know she was trying to be supportive but it was like felt like a slap in the face, yeah. And then the second time around they're like you've got this, you're a champ. Like you know, it was very, yeah, very empowering.
Kate:I, even though I I don't know I felt like both of my birth experiences were very empowering and I mean, despite the scariness of the second time around, like I wouldn't change anything, I feel like it definitely gave me some insight to some different things and, like you know, you can, you can be healthy the whole time and things can change in an instant. And I know I have a lot of people that say you know, like birth plans aren't really that important, but I I feel like they are very important myself, especially I don't know especially that second time around, I'm so glad that I actually had a birth plan printed in my bag because I had discussed it with Jarni so many times and I know she knew what I wanted inside and out, and like she wouldn't ever had to look at it. But things changed so fast that she wasn't able to deliver me. And you know that, dr Heber, it was the first time I'd ever met her and you know so she was able to have all of that information at her fingertips. And that was another thing is I remember a nurse coming in on my second, you know, and she kind of she was very like mild, and she was like okay, I have some information I need to share with you.
Kate:And I was like, okay, and she was like, so, you're not going to be able to have an epidural. I was like, oh, that's fine, I didn't plan on having one. She's like oh, my God, I thought you were going to be mad at me. She's like I'm so glad. She's like, because of the help syndrome, you can't have one because it's, you know, it's dangerous for you to get one. And I was like, oh, okay, I was like, well, I didn't plan on having one, so I guess we're good. You know, not looking forward to the the intensity of the pictosan, but it'll all work out.
Angela:Yeah, Just having that positive mindset is really like the uh, the foundation of it all. Yeah.
Kate:Yeah, it was definitely I. That's my biggest stress stressor. I think to anybody that's, you know, a first-time mom or if it's your sixth baby, like the power of your mind is so important and don't underestimate yourself yeah.
Angela:So, as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting, or even new parents, what would be the biggest thing you'd want to share?
Kate:Definitely that. Also, I think that I feel like, as women, we often like everybody. You know you have your experiences and we all I don't know. I feel like there's a lot of talking down about other people's choices in today's world and I think my biggest piece of advice to mothers is like you know yourself best, you know what you want and like your experiences, and don't let anybody tell you that what you want is wrong for you.
Kate:Because, uh, in my family we've had very many of my sisters have had very, very different experiences. Like I said, my older sister had had a C-section, emergency C-section at 32 weeks. My sister had, she had a vacuum assisted birth. She also had an epidural. And then I had my two girls, one induced and one natural, and both with no pain medication. And you know, all of our experiences were right and they were right for us. And I think that's important for every mother to know is you know you're doing what's right for you and just you know you. You don't have to have other people's approval for what you're choosing for yourself.
Angela:Yeah, I love that so much. You really hit the nail on the head right there with that statement. It's so, so true and like that is definitely my biggest goal with everything that I'm doing here with my company is just like I'm not really an advocate for any sort of birth choice or birth decision. I'm an advocate for you doing whatever you want to do and found that really yeah.
Kate:I mean there's so much information out there about your choices and you know the risks that you know there's. There's risks to every choice. I mean there were risks for me to choose a birth center. Or there's risks to being induced. There's risks to C-sections Everything has a risk. You just need to C-sections. Everything has a risk. You just need to weigh what's best for you.
Angela:Yeah, it totally looks different to everybody and that's so valid.
Kate:It does. I mean, I know a lot of people really like they would prefer, you know, to have a scheduled C-section and like if that's what works for you, then that's the best choice for you. Like, yeah, I am terrified of the thought. I was scared of an epidural. Like the thought of a needle in my spine, like that terrified me, and that's fine that you know that might work for some people. I'm a weenie, I can't do it.
Angela:Yeah, and the biggest thing for me is the way women are talked to throughout the experience. Like a lot of times when you're going through the hospital system, you're talked to like you don't have a choice. I've had several women come to me in birth trauma debrief sessions where they were talked to like okay, we're going to schedule your second C-section just because you already had a first C-section. And oh, you want to go into labor naturally. Even if you do, we're not going to let you try for a VBAC, we're not going to let you this, we're not going to let you that. And then women feel like they had to this and they had to that because of the way they were talked to. My biggest thing is is that you should know that you always have a choice. There are always choices.
Kate:So important Exactly and you know that was also another appeal to Dr Smith for me is that he had one of the lowest C-section rates you know in the area, because you know there are risks to being induced and like you may need a C-section because your labor may stall out or, like you know, like I said there's risk.
Kate:And you's, and you never know, cause everybody's so individual and your body could react so differently to something than somebody else you know. And and that's the other thing is like pain levels are so subjective and like everybody experiences pain on a different you know way. So just because you can handle a certain pain in a certain way doesn't mean somebody else can, and like I just think we all need to respect each other's choices.
Angela:Yeah, yes, oh, I could not agree more. Yeah. Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today and to share your stories.
Kate:I love your podcast, so I will continue to listen and be excited to hear new stories. Yeah, thank you so much.
Angela:Before you go, I just want to remind you I have a ton of resources for pregnancy and birth. If you're pregnant, whether you're a first-time mom or if this is your fifth baby, I want you to check out the show notes, because I have some free trainings and free downloads that you can sign up for, as well as the link to access my Labor of Love, a comprehensive, self-paced online childbirth education course. I created this course specifically for moms who don't want to be told what to do, regardless of where you're birthing or who you're birthing with, and I'd honestly love to teach you everything that I know so that you can prepare for an autonomous birth experience and prepare to step into your role as the leader of your birth journey. So click to the show notes, check out all of those links and, if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at my main birth over on Instagram.